Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection

00:00 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Welcome back everybody to day number 30 of Orchos Tzaddikim Ways of the Righteous, and we're in the Treasure for Life edition, on page 155. There's some who embarrass their fellow and shame their fellows not because they hate them, but only because they want to remove their own embarrassment. For example, if you did something which is embarrassing, what have I done? Oh, you know, they did what I did too. So now you're embarrassing others just to level the playing field. Just to level the playing field. ובזה הוא מקל בו שתור ממנו. And therefore he's loosening and lightening up his embarrassment. יש בזה רעות גדולות. There's terrible flaws with someone who does such a thing. האח that's the first שהו מבעש אחר. You're embarrassing others בשביל הנעשה. Not only you're embarrassing them, you're embarrassing them for your benefit. והשנייה שהו Not only you're embarrassing them, you're embarrassing them for your benefit, you're making it more difficult for yourself to return, because now he's going to say, oh my goodness, what did I do? They also did this. So therefore I don't need to repent, because everybody does this, it's okay. So I cheated a little on my taxes. I mean, everybody cheats. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't justify your wrongdoing by saying I'm part of a bigger group here of criminals. The third is that you're causing others to sin, because through this you will have this sin become easier in your eyes. Kal be'eni ha'am. It will also become easier in the eyes of others Kei v'n she'hesir ha'busha, me'oso ha'chet.

01:56
What happens the first time you see someone doing something inappropriate in public? So, for example, you see someone vandalizing a store right, you know san francisco, right, they're vandalized. You see people doing things that. But the first time you see you're in total shock. Oh, that's crazy. People are shoplifting, people are oh, that's terrible. But what happens the second time? The third time? It's like, okay, they're just crazy people, or whatever you know people. Just, it becomes lighter to you and now it's not as severe. And that's the problem is, we become numb to sin, we become numb to wrongdoings, we become numb to other people's feelings, and that's not proper doings. We become numb to other people's feelings and that's not proper, since you've removed the shame from sin. So there's two things.

03:03
What happens if now you lie in order to embarrass others? So, oh, you think what I did is bad. You should see what they did. And now you make up a total fabrication, you make up a lie about what someone else did. So now, a, you said something which is false about another person. And number two is that you accused someone wrongly in their innocence.

03:29
Many, many other terrible evils are hinged upon this action. Terrible, someone's just going to go and Okay, so what do we do? There is a person who feels shame by abstaining from transgression. Oh, they're going to think that, oh, you became religious. Oh, you think you're holier than we are, don't you Right? And people are embarrassed of doing the right thing, like people do known sins. There's some people who go people watching, like on the beach. They're looking at females at the beach, looking at them and other types of sins. And now you say you don't want to do that. Because you don't want? Oh, because you're holier than us. Oh, and because you don't want to join them. Now they're going to embarrass you.

04:37
וְמִשְלֹּוֹתְצֶּם אָל, מִשְׁאֵן אָהֹלֹך בְּדְרָקֶם. And if you don't go in their ways, they're going to mock you and they're going to ridicule you. בְּזֶּה צָּ, though you are being shamed for doing so. Even if they're going to ridicule you and they're going to humiliate you, you have to still stay strong to what you know is the right thing and avoid doing something which is sinful. And there's another type of embarrassment that someone can inflict upon you for you doing a mitzvah כִּיֵשְכָּם מִצְוּה them Mitzvos that other people are not fulfilling properly. They will embarrass you and they'll mock you.

05:48
A person has to learn to carry the burden of other people's laughter. It's okay, and a person should not forego or forsake any mitzvah because of what other people are going to laugh, so let them laugh. So what? The only one that we are supposed to be embarrassed in front of is the Almighty, who commanded us to do the mitzvahs. So, for example, you're sitting with a bunch of friends and everyone has their lunch. You're sitting at your coffee room or you know the coffee room at your job and you bring your sandwich. They all have their sandwiches as well, and they're all munching into their bread. You say, okay, you don't have to announce it. You go and you wash your hands and they all start laughing. What are you doing? You lift up your hands and you say Baruch, atah, hashem, right, and they start mocking you. You don't have to say it out loud even oh, you're doing your religious thing, oh, you're doing your Jewish thing, oh, you're doing your right, and people can be ashamed.

07:00
Halacha says here. The author says this is where you need strength. This is where you need resolve To stand up to those who mock you. Ki zeh dovor boru she'eved ha'melech lo'yofir mitzvah ha'melech. Gam im yisbo bushog dolem in o'olam ha'sochikim o'olav ba'soso ma'shotziva ha'melech.

07:23
Imagine the servants of the king. Anyone who's gone to Buckingham Palace, you've seen those guards standing with those big funny hats. People can make funny faces. People could be saying obnoxious things to them to try to make them laugh or whatever. They also have feelings. They probably have a wife and children as well. Right, they want to stand up for themselves.

07:49
Why are you embarrassing me? But they know the king has asked me to do this. The king asked me to do this. I don't care what they laugh at me. Let them laugh all they want. I'm doing what the king has asked me. That's the way we need to be representatives of the almighty God, creator of heaven and earth, the king of the universe, king of kings.

08:07
Ki yishkol ha-boshes. You say, okay, a little bit of embarrassment. Ki elif yodos shokol habosheshi yisbayis lefnei hamelech kishelo yaseh mashetzivoh. The little embarrassment that we'll have from other people is nothing if we calculate the embarrassment we'll have in front of the Almighty if we don't do His will. Men habosheshi yisbol men haolam kishyaseh mashetzivah Adonav Umi she'enu. So? And someone who cannot handle the shame in a place where he needs to do the mitzvah. Now he's embarrassed to do the mitzvah. I'm going to build a sukkah on my front lawn. Everyone's going to laugh at me, everyone's going to ridicule me. Oh, he built a sukkah on his front lawn. He's shaking these four species. He's lighting a menorah by his front window. He's reading a Megillah.

08:56
Someone was telling me what was it yesterday? What are we celebrating? A holiday that happened 2,000 years ago. You won against the Persians 2,000 years ago and now you're celebrating. Still, they're mocking you. Of course we know.

09:10
Yeah, you give us a reason to party. We're there, right, but it's more than just that. It's more than just that. It's that this is the command from Hashem. This is the command from Hashem, you know, even if there wasn't a good reason to party, but Hashem said to do it, we're going to do it Because we're servants of Hashem.

09:30
We don't serve mankind, we serve God, v'ozev derech, someone who leaves the way of goodness, the way of Torah, the way of the mitzvahs, because of this embarrassment. That is the bad type of shame, not the shame that they're using to elevate themselves, but it's affecting them in a negative way. Someone who's embarrassed of admitting the truth. That's also a terrible form of shame If you're too shy to reprimand people for their evil ways. To reprimand people for their evil ways. What's if you're embarrassed to ask a question?

10:23
By the way, in our classes there's no stupid questions. There's no silly questions. Every question is an important question, but questions are not allowed. Questions are required, right, but many times I remember as, growing up, I was terrified of asking questions of my rabbi, because when I was in second grade, a friend of mine asked a question in class and the rabbi was not a very skilled educator, I can guarantee you that said oh, what a stupid question.

10:52
I remember I was just a bystander and I was like all right, I'm never going to ask a question ever again in my life, ever. All right, so it's a good thing. Maybe that's why I became a teacher, so I don't need to ask the questions. I can just think of it and make it part of the curriculum. Well, so I was thinking okay, so we have to understand that this is a terrible thing. So a person should always be able to ask questions to the rabbi. It's a terrible thing if someone withholds their questions because then they're not going to understand as a result.

11:27
And on this the verse says Im navalta bihisnase, im zamosa yad lepeh, if you have become degraded, you will hold yourself high. If you have become degraded, you will hold yourself high. And if you want to respond in kind, hold your hand to your mouth. Now the author continues, and he says the last paragraph here Ve'amru ha-chamein, our sages, tell us the Choron Levorcha of blessed memory Lo ha-baishon lamed someone who's shy, someone who's shameful meaning he's filled with shame and doesn't ask will never learn. A person should never be embarrassed. The proper way to live life never be embarrassed to ask a question. It doesn't make a difference if the person is bigger than you or smaller than you.

12:16
If you don't understand something, ask you will learn amazing things. I remember I had an electrician in my house and he was installing something. I said to him if you don't mind, I pulled up a ladder right next to him. I said can you please show me what you're doing? I said I'm like a first grader when it comes to electricity. Just show me what you're doing. So he taught me.

12:34
Now, 10 years later, I'm not a skilled electrician but I know my way around electricity and I remember one of my children said I remember when you learned how to deal with electricity, you remember we had this and this electrician was in the house and you asked him to teach you. And it was a teachable moment for my children because they saw you're never too old to ask to learn something you know. You can always learn and I think it's something that I should do more often. Halotireh David melech Yisrael She'oma va'adabra be'edosecha neged melechem ve'lo'evosh, where King David says and I shall speak of your testimonies before kings and I shall not be ashamed, my dear friends, if King David is going to speak Hashem's glory in front of kings, we don't need to be concerned in front of speaking to our fellow man. This concludes day number 30.