Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection

00:00 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Welcome back, my dear friends. Today, 31, we're on page 161 in the Orchos Tzaddikim, Ways of the Righteous. The term chassid, which is the pious, are called so because it is derived from the word busha. What is chassid? Chassid comes from the term white, from the term chassida, literally the white one, chivarta V'ksiv v'lo ato ponov yechevoru, and his face will not now be white, and the targum of shame is chisuda V'kol zelam. And what do we need to know all of this? Because someone who's truly pious will have to handle Busha, have to handle shame in order to fulfill the Torah. And a person should not pay attention to any type of shame in the doings of a mitzvah, and that makes you pious. When you're pious in doing a mitzvah, then you get to this level of prophecy and it's referring to, and then Hashem spoke in a vision to to your saintly ones, and our sages tell us what is that referring to? That is, referring to the pious ones who are able to handle a bit of shame, and you will attain fear of heaven through this shame. What is fear when it's visible to the face? What type of fear is visible on the face? Shame, shame. You're able to see. You have to be very, very careful. Warns the face Shame, shame. You're able to see. You have to be very, very careful, warns the author, not to shame another person. Shame is for you, shame is not for others. You don't have to be shaming others or embarrassing others.

02:21
Our Seder said the Talmud tells us that one who embarrasses his fellow in public has no portion in the world. To come the flavor of a murderer, what is akin to a murderer is one who embarrasses his fellow in public. This is in Aramaic. Who embarrasses his fellow in public. Ki az al sumka ve'osi chivra. This is in Aramaic. Because his pink color leaves his face, he spills his blood and the white takes over. Ve'domu l'ritzicha. It's like you've murdered, you've spilled their blood. Ve'chein amr chachamim. And so our Seder said ve'od tsa of that whiteness is more bitter than death.

03:17
The Talmud says that one should throw himself into a fiery furnace rather than humiliate his friend in public. We learned this from Tamar, the daughter-in-law of Judah. Even though they were going to take her and burn her, she did not want to humiliate and spill the blood of Judah. So she said whoever's stick, this is, this is the person who impregnated me. She didn't want to say it was you, she didn't want to embarrass him.

03:49
V'afilu b'mokam tochecha amra toro chech tochecha samisecha. Even when the Torah tells us to criticize your fellow, like the Torah says in Leviticus 19.17, what does it say there, esamisecha, your fellow. And what does it say there Esa missecha, your fellow. And what does it say after that V'losisol avchet, and do not bear sin because of him, meaning don't embarrass him. There's a way to do it, keitsa tochich. So how do you properly reprove your fellow? Mitchila b'sesu b'nachas, first key. It should be in private and gently. Aval im first key. It should be in private and gently. But if you rebuke someone in public or you do it in a way that humiliates him, then you're going to cause sin, because they're going to despise your words and they're going to continue to do their sin. And now it's going to be on your account If someone just embarrasses their friend for something they've done wrong and not even with the intention to try to properly reprimand them. We know that the destruction of the temple came because of the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza, where he was humiliated publicly and he reported on the rabbis and on the sages to the Romans, who consequently destroyed the temple.

05:26
L'chein top of page 167. L'chein tsorich odom li'yizor mehoda. A person needs to be extremely uber, cautious. Sh'loi yase dover asher. Mimeno tagia l'shum odom ba'olam boshes. Be careful of doing anything that will cause anybody to be embarrassed or humiliated. Ga'am yizor afili b'divrei torah. A person, even in his studying of Torah. If you are talking in Torah study with your friend, which the Torah says argue, disagree, fire with fire, torah.

05:59
Even then it has to be in a way that's appropriate, that's not going to humiliate and embarrass someone. Don't say, oh, you're wrong, you made a mistake. That's appropriate, that's not going to humiliate and embarrass someone. Don't say ta'isa Lo yomer, lo ta'isa. Oh, you're wrong, you made a mistake. Oh, ein chamevin, you don't understand, ma'ata omer, you don't understand what you're saying. Im keyot zebo Shaloi yisba'esh. You don't want to embarrass them. El lo omer lo Rather. You know. You don't have to reprimand them, you don't have to criticize them. Just say this is what my rabbis taught me, and then you can tell them. Or you can make it as if you don't realize that they made a mistake. You can make it like you don't know.

06:47
You should not name or call your friend by a nickname. Don't call him Shorty. Hey, shorty, right, that's embarrassing. The Torah says that if you call your friend by a name like that, you have no portion of the world to come. It's better, he says, don't call someone by a nickname. Oh, everyone calls him Shori. You can say yeah, yankal, you know Yankul, the son of that person. Don't call them by their nickname. That's humiliating, even if they're not even in front of you. But others shouldn't laugh on his account. V'lo yomer adam barabim o b'yachit ploni ratzaliten li bito v'ani lo ratzisi osa. You know that guy. He wanted me to marry his daughter, but I said, no, it's not for me, his daughter, right? So what are you doing? You're humiliating him. He's running after me. I said no, gotta be very, very careful about that. You give yourself honor, an embarrassment to your fellow L'chein. Yidaktik b'chol inyon sholotagia bu shalechavero, mitoch devorav. A person needs to be extremely cautious that embarrassment does not come to your friend on your wings.