Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection

00:01 - Intro (Announcement)
You are listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of Torch in Houston, Texas. This is the Living Jewishly podcast.

00:09 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
All right, welcome back everybody to the Ask Away segment of our Everyday Judaism podcast. The first question is whether or not running away from a mugger would be a mitzvah Absolutely Our mitzvah. The Torah commands us to protect our soul, which means our physical body as well, and if we're in danger, to run away from danger is always an excellent thing. The Torah, though, gives a command that if someone comes to kill you, it's a mitzvah to kill them first. Someone comes to kill you, it's a mitzvah to kill them first. Someone comes to kill you, you kill him first. So if anyone feels that their life is in danger genuinely in danger then there's a mitzvah for them to eliminate that danger. But there is a warning that I would just like to give. A disclaimer is that Jewish people have a tendency of having a very, very good imagination, and they like to dream of worst case scenarios always. So it's something that we need to use a tremendous amount of caution not to be rushed at shooting someone. They could be a delivery person at our front door, like, oh, they're coming to kill me. You know, got to be rushed at shooting someone. They could be a delivery person at our front door, like, oh, they're coming to kill me. You know, got to be very, very careful about that and I think it's worthwhile that you know in our generation we do live in a United States of America that it's legal for one to carry a weapon, but it's illegal for one to use that weapon for no purpose that is, to save a life, and therefore we have to be very, very cautious and very, very deliberate that such forms of force not be used unnecessarily. So I'm definitely not encouraging people to go out there and shoot people, but I am definitely encouraging, based on the Torah, that one protect themselves from all harm and therefore, whatever is necessary for one to use precautionary measures to protect themselves, they should use them completely. That's a very good question, thank you.

02:30
Next question so you're asking about the prayer of Tachanun that you said growing up you didn't see it be recited many times in your congregation. So there are exceptions to the rule, aside for the ones mentioned here. There are exceptions to when we do not say Tachnun. Now, tachnun is supplications. Supplications means that we're asking Hashem for forgiveness for the sins we may have committed. So you know, part of what we say is that we cannot say that we are righteous and that we have not sinned. But, excuse me, but us and our forefathers and our four forefathers they were all sinners as well.

03:14
Actually, just as a side note, it's a true story and I know the two people the person who asked the question and the person who answered the question is a very, very righteous Jew who was asked. And the person who asked the question is a very, very righteous Jew who was asked, and the person who asked the question as well, the very, very special, genuine Jew lover to the core. And he said we say this every single day that not only I sinned, but all of our ancestors have sinned. How can I say that another Jew sinned? How can I say that another Jew sinned? How can I say that another Jew sinned? You know, I feel uncomfortable saying that. So the rabbi tells him. You know what? In the future, just have me in mind. Okay, you can have me in mind, because I have sinned, that I can tell you. But that's the. So the idea is like this that any time there's a celebratory occasion, we omit saying Tachnon. We don't say Tachnon on a celebratory occasion, for example, amrish Chodesh, okay, we don't say Tachnon.

04:18
But also what many Hasidic people believe? Not only Hasidic, there's many. What many Hasidic people believe not only Hasidic, there's many is that on the day of the passing of a righteous person, or on the yurt side of a passing of a righteous person, their neshama gets elevated another rung in the heavens and therefore it's a day of great celebration. So there are people who don't say Tachman almost ever, because it's always a yurt side of some righteous person. So, in which case, now that you got to be careful not to play games with that, because, again, it's a prayer that was instituted by the men of the great assembly and it has to be genuine and a person has to be very, very cautious it is a very powerful prayer, the very important prayer to ask forgiveness on a daily basis, so that a person has to be very, very cautious. It is a very powerful prayer, a very important prayer to ask forgiveness on a daily basis so that a person never loses sight, a person never loses sight of our equilibrium, that we realize that we're here on a task we're here to accomplish. Sometimes we fall short of it and we need to do the best we can to always push ourselves forward. One more step, hashem. We may have sinned yesterday, but today we're going to be better, hashem. We may have made mistakes, but we're going to see to it that we make less mistakes in the future. So I think I hope that answers your question and hopefully any other questions. My, my dear friends, let's go Shoot him, ask away. Yes, so that is an excellent question.

05:49
What are the laws of mukta? Okay, so mukta, let's first translate the word of mukta and then you'll understand what it is. Okay, mukta means something which is designated for weekday activity. Let me ask you a question Is a hammer designated for weekday activity? Yeah, so a hammer is muktza. Okay, you understand as soon as you understand what it really means. Muktza means it's designated. It's designated for weekday activity. Now, if you have a tool that's used for Shabbos, I'll give you an example A pocket knife. A pocket knife is typically for weekday activities, but if you have a knife that's used for challah, you could use it Because it's designated for a Shabbos activity, understand? I'll give you another example A cell phone. A cell phone is muktza because it's designated for weekday use, it's not for Shabbos.

06:53
But let me ask you like this what happens with a dead cell phone? It's dead, it's a brick. It doesn't get used anymore. So such a you want to give it to your child as a toy that they can play. You have it in the toys in the playroom that they can play with. So that needs to be designated as a toy before Shabbat so that now it could be used as a toy. That means the fact that it's not being used as a phone doesn't mean it's not muktta. It's still designated. Even though it's dead, it's still designated as a mukta item. But once you designated this as a toy and what I do and I've done this before with other old phones my children like to play with as part of their, you know, house and whatever their dolls and whatever they want to have a phone as well. Okay, so what I would do is I would usually put like some blue tape on it, but it looks like it's a toy. It's designated as a toy, no longer as a device that could potentially be charged and used for weekday activities.

07:58
Now, this does not include include people who are in emergency care, for example, a doctor, a member of Hatzalah, an EMT who's on call on Shabbat. So the use of their phone obviously only for a emergency situation. I remember when I grew up we had a doctor in our synagogue and then you didn't have cell phones. You had beepers Almost every single prayer on Shabbos he got a beep Every single prayer and he would look at his beeper, he'd pull out his beeper, he would run to the phone and he would make the the phone call and sometimes he'd get into his car and drive.

08:45
That exception is because it's saving a life, and for saving a life, all the laws of Shabbat are broken for going to save a life. But what's very important to remember is that coming back from saving a life has different laws, because I'm not on the way to saving a life, I'm coming back home, so that you have to do everything in a different form. It's called shinui. You have to do it with a different form. I'll give you an example. So I'm a member of Hatzalah, I'm an EMT, and if there's a call on Shabbat, we have to go. And yes, it's not called desecrating Shabbat.

09:29
Remember, my father asked me how does it feel driving on Shabbat? I said it's not Shabbat, it's Tuesday For me. Going to a call. It's not Shabbat. Right now I'm going to save a life and all the laws of Shabbat are set aside. When you go to save a life, it's okay, everything else stops. Okay. So I go to the call and even if we have to transport the patient to the hospital, okay. So we do everything like regular weekday, normal Coming back home though you have to come back home, because here's the problem.

10:05
This is a very important idea to understand what happens. If I'm going to be stuck in the hospital to the end of Shabbat, I'm not going to take another call next Shabbat because I'm going to be away from my family the whole Shabbat. And what's if there's another emergency in the neighborhood? I'm not going to be able to respond to that call. So it's important for every member to get back home so that, if there is a need, they can take that call, another call if there is and there's been many times where, on Shabbat, there have been multiple calls, one after another it's important for the members to get back home and also, if you're going to make it so inconvenient for them on Shabbat, they're not going to take a call next week because they know they're going to be away from their family for the rest of Shabbat.

10:49
So the halacha is that you can return, but everything you do needs to be, with a shinui, different. So, for example, how do we open up our car door, normally Most people hold the handle and you open the door, it turns on a light, right? Can't do that on your way coming home, because you're not going on an emergency. You have to do everything differently. For me, by the way, my settings in my car is that the lights do not turn on when you open the door Weekday and Shabbat, because on Shabbat I don't want to fall into that situation. So what do I do? I'll take two hands to open the door. It's different. Turn on the engine not the regular way I turn on the engine. I do it with two hands. To turn on it's different. Use a shinui.

11:41
So it's very important to understand that even though something is designated for weekday activity, for saving a life, you're exempt from that. Now I'll give you another example of something that is mukta Candelabra. You light your Shabbos candles that you do on weekday. Now you. You light your Shabbos candles, right, that you do on weekday. Now you take in the Shabbos. Now you can't touch it, can't move it.

12:12
Now there's a very special custom that many people have is that they have the Shabbos candles on the Shabbos table. It's very special, it's very romantic. Where do you think candlelit dinners comes from? It comes from our Shabbos dinners. Seriously, the halacha says that part of the reason that we light the Shabbos candles, it adds an environment of calmness, of peace, of serenity, of love in the house. Very, very, very calming. Have a candlelit dinner, okay, so now your tablecloth gets dirty and you want to pick up the, the candelabra right or the Shabbos candlesticks from your Shabbos table, but you can't because it's muktza Right.

13:05
The halacha says a very interesting thing. The halacha gives a recommendation of how to do this. There's a way to do everything properly. Okay, there's no way to just drive on Shabbos. That's not. There's no way to do that. Again, unless there's an emergency, that is an exception, but otherwise there's no exception.

13:23
But, for example, with the candlesticks, if they are on a tray a tray you make sure you put them, place them on a tray. Now you can't move the tray because it's mukta, it's stuff on there that are designated for weekly activities. You can't move it, don't touch it. But if you place something that is not mukta on it, something that is not designated for weekday activity, you put something which is you're allowed to touch on Shabbos. So now you can lift that tray because it's not exclusively something that is for weekday activity. Understand? You say, oh, you're tricking the system. No, you're finding a way to do it. That is okay, that is permitted. You understand what I'm saying. So you don't like the idea, right, okay? So here's the thing. Let's try a few other examples.

14:26
Keys Can you touch keys on Shabbat? No, you can't use them, right, because they're for my car. It's used for weekday activities. I can't. But what if you have a key to your door, to your house on that keychain? You could use it, because you're not using it for the key for your car, you're using it for the key for your car. You're using it for the key for your house. Now is it best to have a separate key for shabbat? Yes, you understand. What I'm saying is that because you have the key that you are allowed to use on that keychain, it does, because you have another key on it that you're not supposed to touch on shabbat, like the key to your car. It doesn't make the whole key chain prohibited. You understand what I'm saying? Okay, great. So I think that was a good example.

15:14
The one with the keys, because typically the car keys we don't touch, but I have my house key. I need the house key. So I'm allowed to use the house key even though there's a car key attached to it. So typical things like a computer Computer is for weekday activity. I can't touch it on Shabbat. I can't touch it Nothing, I can't move it, I can't do anything with it on Shabbat, and the same is with anything else any other thing.

15:46
So if you have, there's a story that someone once came to Moshe Feinstein. Moshe Feinstein with the following question. He said my child put a pencil on the Shabbos table. Can I take it off the Shabbos table? So Moshe Feinstein asked him why would you take it off the Shabbos table? Sir Moshe Feinstein asked him why would you take it off the Shabbos table? He says because it's not respectful for Shabbos. You have a pencil on the table. He says the greatest respect for Shabbos would be to leave it on the table and not touch it, right.

16:24
A pencil is mukta, weakday activity. We don't write on Shabbat. So anything that is assisting to the performance of something that is prohibited on Shabbat is mukta. A pencil is for writing. We don't write on Shabbat. So therefore the pencil would be mukta. A pen would be mukta, right. So now that pencil on the table. You can't touch it. Now you could. There is a way to remove it. You could move it with, like, your elbows. It's not the proper way. You can just knock it off the table or you can have something else like just flick it off the table. But Ramosha was trying to bring a point here is by just flick it off the table. But Ramosha was trying to bring a point here Is by just leaving it there on the table and having your regular Shabbos lunch or your Shabbos dinner with that pencil on the table, with not touching.

17:17
It is also the honor of Shabbos Showing how it's not. We don't touch it, we don't touch it. Okay. Musical instruments we don't play music. Okay, musical instruments, we don't play music on Shabbos. Musical instruments are muktza on Shabbos. We don't touch it. Right. The reasons for it we can get into when we get to those halachos, when we get to those laws, but right now we just have to see the very so. Now, guitar strings that are not attached to a guitar are muktza because they're designated for something that is prohibited on Shabbos.

17:51
All type of landscaping equipment, your shovel, your, you know, all of these things are prohibited on Shabbos. You're not allowed to even touch them, not allowed to move them, because their purpose is for a malacha, for a task that is prohibited on Shabbos, and therefore you can't touch them on Shabbos. So even so, now a car, car. Are we allowed to drive a car on Shabbos? No, so how about touching a car? Can I touch a car on Shabbos? No, because it's muktza, it's designated for prohibited activity and, by the way, that would even be a car of a member of Atzalah, someone who is a first responder. Even though they are permitted to drive their car to an emergency, doesn't change the fact that their car, they shouldn't lean on their car and they shouldn't touch their car Because it's mukta, it's designated for a prohibited activity to everyone. The only exception you have is for an emergency, but that doesn't change that it is an object that is meant for a prohibited activity. Okay, did we? So there is I'll give you another example. This is a little bit different Mail.

19:13
Can you touch mail on Shabbos, right? So it's not appropriate to touch mail on Shabbos. There's nothing in it, there's no money, no one's sending you cash. It's not like there's anything. There's another problem with it. Another problem First is there's anything? There's another problem with it. Another problem First, is this Tchum Shabbos, something that comes from outside the Tchum? What is the Tchum? Something which is 2,000 Amos outside of your community, where there's no? So if this piece of mail, this parcel of mail, came from Peerland, they've passed a stretch of land of over 2,000 Amos that does not have any people living there. Now that piece of mail, that parcel, is muktza, 100% muktza. You cannot touch it. So it's proper to not touch any mail on Shabbos.

20:07
I know some people are curious Did their driver's license come? So they look into their mail. Some people even it's best not to touch it on Shabbos. Mail is potentially completely mukta on Shabbos. Also, you don't know what is coming in that mail. What's if you got your check from the IRS for your tax return in the mail? That's mukta, that's money. So you never know what's in that mail. And therefore it is best to avoid such doubt and such concerns, particularly when it's Shabbos. Shabbos is the holiest day of the year and we wouldn't want to desecrate that holiness by our curiosity of looking at the mail. And we wouldn't want to desecrate that holiness by our curiosity of looking at the mail. All right, next question Okay, so that's a very good question how far do you have to walk backwards from the ark or from the bima or from the synagogue?

21:01
So, generally speaking, when we talk about these types of ideas, it's the amount of four amos, which is about eight feet. It doesn't have to be like you walk all the way back to Houston from the Kotel, from the Western Wall backwards. That's not required. It should be enough of a distance that is considered to be a respectable distance, which is generally about eight feet in our imperial distances, if we use. But about the two and a half three meters. That would be about eight feet. All right, but that's. It's Arba Amos, which is four Amos, which is about 24 inches each Ama.

21:45
So yeah, that would be the but again, the idea here is to not just walk out with a total disregard and without any honor to the place that we're in. We're in a place of holiness, we're in a place of great dignified status and we shouldn't just walk out. Goodbye, you know I'm out. Right, there should be with a proper presence. You'll see people in synagogue. In all the synagogues I've seen people who properly bow and then take a few steps back, you know. And then, once they're already out of, you know the four amos, the eight feet about. Then they'll turn and continue going. All right, so that's the proper distance. So very good question. Next Okay, so this is a very good question.

22:38
It's a very long question, very deep philosophical question what do you do with a baby? We say that a baby receives its neshama, its yetzahara. Really not its neshama receives its yetzahara at the time of birth? If that case, how did it study all the Torah in the womb of its mother? We know that a baby, the Midrash, tells us that a baby in the womb studies the entire Torah and then it gets tapped on the lip by the angel at the moment of birth and then forgets all its Torah at birth. So if it didn't have a soul, what did it have? So I don't think that it didn't have a soul. I think it didn't have a Yetzirah.

23:20
When this question was originally presented, it was because we discussed when does a human being get a well? So when does the soul get put into the body? So here's the thing you have to understand is that the soul is designated Another sidebar, another sidebar. We get onto these tangents. It's important to sometimes, when these things come up, do you know that the halacha, that the Midrash, says that every child chooses his parents Like what? Yeah, oh, my goodness, my father was abusive. My mother was abusive. My father was an alcoholic. My mother was that. Whatever you chose your parents, okay, what I can't be, I'll have many children knocking on my door saying, excuse me, I never chose that. Okay, you did Okay.

24:10
So here's the thing is that we have to understand that, even though the neshama in the world of neshamas is not yet put into the physical world, okay, it comes. It's imbued into our body at birth, it's imbued into our body at birth. So your body, your body, every one of our bodies was just a body and there was a soul that was designated to go into that body. As soon as the body is ready, shem says we're going to put them together now. And now you guys are a team, you guys are a team, and at marriage that's the second half of that neshama gets put together with you. Okay, so you have the body, which is a physical form that, from conception till the baby is born, is being molded so that it can house that lofty, holy neshama At birth, that designated neshama, which, by the way, the Mishnah already tells us that 40 days before a baby is conceived, already the neshama is designated to its partner.

25:28
So it means the soul is already designated. This is going to be your body. It's like if you ever look at an assembly line for cars. So they have the yellow frame, the yellow door, the yellow hood, all come together and gets attached together to the same car. How did it know? Well, it was pre-designed in the computer. You know 50 steps ago, right, that all of these yellow parts are going to come together for this, for this one, chassis for one. You know, for this, for this car, and the blue for the blue and the red for the red Comes in and puts it right in, soul is already pre-designated, pre-cooked for this body and every body is going to face its challenges that are perfect for that soul to reach its perfection.

26:23
And what we need to understand is that we are gifted with a magnificent, holy, lofty soul. We say every morning Elokei God, neshama shenasata b'tahori. The neshama that you've placed within me is pure, it's holy, it's dignified, it's lofty. We're trying to remind ourselves so that we keep our body dignified and lofty and holy, so that we carry our soul properly. So when our body is ready for birth, that holy, lofty soul that has been in the world of souls, which is an absolute connection with Hashem, that soul now is taken tap on the lip that's more of a metaphor and put right into that physical body at the time of birth. So at the time of birth, yes, it gets that soul and it learned the Torah, meaning what is Torah? Torah is Hashem, connection with Hashem. It had that absolute connection. Then it comes into this world and it doesn't. It forgets that connection.

27:36
And every time we study have you ever had a time where you study Torah and you're like, wow, it was mind-blowing. That's your soul connecting with what it learned up in heaven? Your soul is connecting to its original source of like, yeah, this feels right, this feels holy. That's the experience of studying Torah and that's our soul getting reinvigorated with the connection that it had up in the world of neshamas, the world of souls. Right, that they had that deja vu, right, that deja vu moment of like, it's like wow, like, yes, that sudden awakening of that experience. All right, did I answer your question sufficiently Perfect, baruch Hashem, yes. Next question I knew when I said this that this was going to come up. All right, all right, all right, okay. So here's the question here If someone is married multiple times, and even if those women are still alive, does that mean that the person still has a connection with those souls?

28:40
The answer is no. No, the person you are married to now is the perfection of your soul. Hopefully that a person reaches that perfection. Now let me explain what happens here. When a person gets married, we know that the, the, the kala, the bride circles her husband seven times. Our sages tell us that these are deep, deep, kabbalistic ideas, that what happens it's the souls being reunited. The souls are being reconnected from very deep places in the world of souls. They're now, in this physical form, being reconnected and her. She's like. Remember, my rabbi in sixth grade said it's an invisible rope that she's tying around his leg, saying you're not going anywhere, right, but the idea is that it's the souls being returned to their place.

29:33
Now if a person gets divorced. I just want you to know something very, very interesting. I did a get on Friday. I was a witness with a man giving a get and it's very interesting that I pointed out to this individual who was getting divorced that I said, if you'll notice the scribe when he writes the rabbi who writes the get, the divorce document, as he writes it, he speaks out the words that he's writing and then it's repeated. The witnesses read through it, they read through it a second time, they read through it a third time, and then it's a whole process. Why? And then it's a whole process? Why?

30:18
Our sages tell us that writing the get itself doesn't untie all the previous connections of the soul alone. The scribe needs to read it, it needs to be read again by the witnesses and read again by the witnesses and read again. What you're doing is you're untying all of those knots of that neshama and then when it's given and the woman holds that get and she walks away, that's another untying. Each one of these things is another untying of those souls, so that now he is able to get married and she's able to get married and there's no more links attached to that previous soul that was bound together. So it's not just a oh, I got married, I got divorced, I got married, I got divorced. No, no, no, it doesn't work like that. You have to untie what you tied and then when a person gets married, hopefully, you know, this is their perfection, of their soul. So there's another question that's asked. Which one was my perfection? Well, a person can have very fragmented parts that need to be perfected and each one plays their role. Right, and I typically just in general I'm going to just say it here Women don't really appreciate the previous actors in their husband's life.

31:34
Okay, so, on any level, okay, they don't exist. And in fact, the Torah calls a man who's married to two women soros. You know the word soros. Soros means troubles, Right? A man who's married to two women, they are called one to the other. They're called soros. They're trouble Because they don't appreciate the other one. They don't want to divide their husband with other women. They want their husband designated for them and for them only. The Torah calls them tsaras. Even more so when a man is married, his previous relationships are done, they're over, it's history, it's gone. A woman doesn't want to feel that there are other strings attached. There are no other strings attached. And now the relationship that a man has with his current wife hopefully that's the only wife and the path to that soul reaching his perfection is there in front of him. And all the previous ties, all the previous perfections that needed to be made, hopefully, were made, and now this is the place that a person needs to be.

32:45
I will also say is that every single relationship that is formed is not random. The Almighty gives the person the exact partner that is necessary for them to reach their perfection. Today, there's an entire culture of like. Well, I don't know if we're marriage material. I don't know if we're marriage material, I don't, you know, maybe just as a friend. This is all nonsense, right? A relationship between a man and a woman needs to be a relationship that elevates and brings about perfection. It doesn't mean it's going to be perfect all the time. It doesn't mean that there's never going to be challenges. There are going to be challenges. There are going to be obstacles. There are going to be challenges. There are going to be challenges. There are going to be obstacles, there are going to be disputes, but that doesn't limit and that doesn't negate the fact that these souls were meant for each other to reach their perfection.

33:47
The challenge with our generation, though, is that many of the young people are in a world of instant gratification, where everything is coming to them. If their internet isn't fast enough, they're complaining. You know everything needs to work my way, so if my wife or my husband aren't what I expect to be a perfect relationship right away, then it's not for me and they just want to pull the plug, and it's a very dangerous thing, and we're seeing an uptick of divorces, sadly, in the world today, because people don't know what it means to work hard for something, and I always tell young men I typically don't talk to young women before they get married in training. I talk to young men before they get married in training. I talk to young men before they get married. He says he gets engaged, we'll learn together, we'll talk about marriage, we'll talk about relationships, we'll talk about all of the laws that are applicable to marriage, and one of the things I tell the young men when you get married, there is no exit sign. As long as there is an exit sign at that front door, okay, I can always leave. No, no, no, no. The perspective you need to have is there is no exit sign and that requires figuring it out. Figure it out, make it work. I guarantee you that if that couple was together, locked in an elevator, they'd figure it out. If someone was just listen, this is your destiny For the rest of your life. You're going to be locked in that elevator. They'll figure out how to make peace. They'll figure out how to work things through.

35:27
The problem is that now there are times the Torah tells us before the Torah tells us about marriage. The Torah tells us about divorce. Because the Torah tells us about divorce? Because you have to cure the illness before the illness. Sometimes the relationship is toxic, sometimes the relationship is damaging and it is not going to be fruitful for it to continue. Sometimes the recommendation is for there to just be a total end and severing of this relationship. Okay, so that's sometimes, but that shouldn't be the first resort. It should be the last, last, last, last resort, not the first.

36:01
So that's just as a word of encouragement to our younger generation and our older generation Hold on to your relationships, preserve them, cherish them, enrich them, do everything you can to reach your perfection through the relationship that you have, because this was one that Hashem predestined for you. Cherish it and don't blow it. All right. So that's any other questions? All right, yes, one more question. So what happens if someone doesn't find their mate? So it's complicated. It is complicated.

36:37
It's probably something that won't fit into our Ask Away segment, but I will tell you, like this, everybody does have a mate and some people make choices that make them unattractive to their mate. That could be being irresponsible. That could be that they have gotten themselves into trouble. They've done things that really don't really warrant that relationship anymore, even though they were predestined. So there are things that hopefully can be done to bring about. I'll just tell you like this can be done to bring about. I'll just tell you, like this, just an interesting story that I'm reminded of.

37:26
It was one wedding that the family of the bride or the groom paid a lot of money for the ketubah to be done very ornate and very beautiful artistic ketubah and, for whatever reason, there was a mistake in one of the parts that needed to be filled out and they needed to use another ketubah, and this one was not fancy, this is one you print out of a printer. It was a very simple one and, by the way, as a rabbi, I can tell you that you come to a wedding with many copies of a ketubah. Many copies why? Because someone can make a mistake in the signature, someone can write the wrong name. You got to do the whole thing over again, all right. So you come with many copies, just in case there's a mistake. And here the rabbi. They had a really beautiful ketubah and the ketubah had a mistake and they needed to use a very simple one. And the father of the bride or groom was very upset, like we paid all this money for a beautiful ketubah and now it's not being used. So they had to give another ketubah which was simpler.

38:35
So the rabbi who was there, rabbi Avram Palm, was a rabbi in New York, actually my brother Yaakov Sandek. He was the godfather for my brother Yaakov for his bris. It was on Shabbos. I remember Rabbi Avram Palm coming to our home. We had the bris in the house and Rabbi Avram Palm came and he yelled I think we have a book here, rabbi Avram Pom, in our great Torah scholars. I think it's the fourth, fifth book to the left on the left of the shelf over there. So either way. So Rav Pom said to the father don't be upset, don't be upset that you used another ketubah. He says it could be that in heaven it was designated that your son could have to give two ketubah. He says it could be that in heaven it was designated that your son could have to give two ketubahs in his life. And now Hashem took away the one that caused a divorce potentially. This is the book of Rav Pahm. It's a really, really remarkable, published by Art Scroll, a remarkable tzaddik, a really special man, and he said to the father don't be upset, it may have been predestined in heaven that your son would have to give or your daughter would have to receive two ketubahs in her life. And Hashem took away the sorrow and the challenge and made it that it would be under the same chuppah that he give two ketubahs. So you know, we don't know how the whole picture plays out.

40:01
I think it's very important for someone who's of age of getting married be active in seeking out, going to singles Shabbatons, speaking to a Shadchan, someone who is a matchmaker, and going and doing whatever you can. And, of course, the most powerful of all is prayer, pray to Hashem to ask for that perfect mate to be introduced to us and for us to see the light and to see their perfection for us. So it's not always easy. It's not an easy thing. It's that we don't just go to a bar and you know, oh, I set eyes on them and that's it. We fell in love. That's rarely, if ever, successful. Usually it takes. It's a process. It's a process of knowing A what we're looking for. It's them knowing what they're looking for and having all the circumstances fit perfectly so that it works out.

41:01
I can tell you that I know people who are married today that didn't want to go out with the person because of their background, because of their family setting for the situation, because of the school they went to. They felt that they gave all of these reasons, that they felt maybe this is not the good, the right match for me, and someone persuaded them just give it a shot. What does it hurt you? And they did and they found the perfect. So sometimes we create those barriers for ourselves, barriers for ourselves. We have to be willing to let go of those barriers, open up with an eye, with an eyes wide open, looking at what is presented to us by the Almighty, and being here, being cautious, being diligent, making sure we do our research, making sure we ask those references, making sure we ask other references, making sure we ask other references and we really get the information that will help us make a decision that is hopefully the right one for us.

42:06
But Hashem should bless us all. It's not an easy task. It's not an easy objective To find that one person that is perfect for us is a tremendous, tremendous blessing. Hashem should bless us all. We should find clarity in everything that we do. We should find our relationship with Hashem in the most open and crystal clear way, one that is elevating and one that is uplifting every single day. Hashem should shabless us all. Thank you so much for this episode of Ask Away. Ask Away number four and, my dear friends, I look forward to resuming our Everyday Judaism podcast next week. Thank you so much and have an amazing week.

42:47 - Intro (Announcement)
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