Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection

00:00 - Intro (Announcement)
You are listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of Torch in Houston, Texas. This is the Thinking Talmudist Podcast.

00:14 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Alright, welcome back everybody. Welcome to the Thinking Talmudist. It's so wonderful to be here. I want to dedicate today's class to the refuah, to the speedy recovery of Tinoch Baby, the son of Me'ira Tinok ben Me'ira Bas Zahava. He should have a speedy recovery. It's a little, teeny little baby that was born prematurely at 25 weeks and is in the NICU, and your prayers are so appreciated and please continue to pray for Tinoch. Tinoch means baby Ben Meira that is my grandson. That was born last Shabbos as soon as Shabbos was out.

00:57
Actually, during Shabbos we found out my housekeeper came in on Shabbos with my wife on the phone. My wife was in Israel and she's on the speakerphone. She says it's a boy. We need your prayers now so, but I can't talk on the phone on Shabbos unless it's for a life emergency. So I didn't, you know. I said okay, you know kids, we sat and continued our Shabbos lunch.

01:23
But it's a great blessing and I'm deeply grateful to the Almighty for this privilege and opportunity to experience such joy and such, I would say, affliction of love, like we're talking about. What are we talking about now? We're talking about affliction of love. This is the topic that we're talking about the past. This is the third week.

01:43
We're talking about the Talmud in Tractate Baruchot 5a that talks about afflictions in general and then afflictions of love. What's afflictions of love? Well, someone may be. Well, I hope I'm at the level where it's affliction of love and not affliction of you got to shape up, you know, but you know that's the hope is that we're at a level where Hashem is saying no, no, no, I'm not doing this because I want to pay you for your, I want to beat you up for your mistakes, but rather I want to take away some of your heavenly payments that you'd be due so that when you come into Olam Ha'Abo, when you come into the world to come, you come on a red carpet and you have no bumps on the road. So now the Talmud is going to go through a whole discussion here Not a very long discussion, but a whole discussion to understand exactly the source for this, understanding what is affliction of love, what isn't.

02:37
So we're going to quickly do this and then we're going to get to some very exciting piece of Gemara, talking about some other aspect of gifts that Hashem gives us that are not really acquired so easily. Can anybody guess one of those gifts? I'll tell you what it is. Anybody who has ever tried to learn Torah. Sometimes you get the piece of Torah like I don't understand what's going on here. You're like it's Torah, it should be easy, right? No, anything worthwhile is hard. It's hard work, and the most valuable gifts that Hashem gives us are the most difficult for us to attain. So Torah is one of them. The other is the land of Israel.

03:21
I can tell you I've been to Israel many, many times. I was born in Israel, but also I have many family members that made Aliyah to Israel and moved there, and many friends and students that have gone there to live and they sold their homes in Houston or in the United States, wherever they were, and made Aliyah and they moved to Israel and the challenges that they face. It's like Israel is a very highly technological land, I mean. But sometimes you go to certain offices like a third world country and like wondering how can they get their act together that they can take a little teeny little drone out of the sky, they can take ballistic missiles out, but they can't figure out the paperwork of the Ministry of Interior. They can't. It's like some things like just don't make any sense, like how is that possible, and I'll tell you why. It's not because they can't figure it out. They could. They've got the technology, they've got the wisdom, they've got the will. But that's part of acquiring the land.

04:25
It's going to be with difficulty, eretz, yisroel, niknez, b'yisroel it is acquired. The only way to acquire the land of Israel is through pain. There's no easy route. There's no easy route. I can tell you people who have a tremendous amount of wealth, that bought apartments and they're paying cash money. They're easy, like just get it done. And they're paying cash money. They're easy, like just get it done. The paperwork, the red tape, the complications that come with it, the difficulty that comes with it, like why is it necessary? Because that's part of acquiring the land of Israel. It's not going to be easy. There are certain things that are just never going to be easy. It's not going to be easy. Why it's not going to be easy, that we'll see soon. So now let's touch the Talmud here. That's finishing up the extent.

05:12
There's a whole dispute about the extent of the afflictions of love. So hopefully it's not going to get too complicated and not too detailed. I don't want anyone to lose a train of thought, but it's a short piece, so we'll just do this Pleagi bar Rebbe Yaakov, bar Edi, ve'rebbe Acha bar Hanina. Rebbe Yaakov, the son of Edi, and Rebbe Acha, the son of Hanina, disagreed about this idea of afflictions of love. Chadom our one says Elohim Yisroel Shalaba, that these are considered afflictions of love. These are considered afflictions of love. What is that?

05:52
All those that do not involve neglect of Torah study. Fortunate is the man whom God afflicts and whom still teach from your Torah. Meaning that, notwithstanding the afflictions, they continue to teach Torah, because nothing stops the study of Torah. The one says and the other says you want to know what afflictions of love is? I'll tell you what it is. Anything that does not involve neglect of prayer. Meaning that your prayers don't get affected by your afflictions. Meaning it can upend your schedule, but still you stay true to your times, your schedules of prayer. Blessed is God who has not turned away my prayer or his loving kindness from me. Meaning that I was on a path of prayer and Hashem didn't upend it because of my affliction. Meaning that my affliction didn't come in the way of my prayer.

06:59
So we see two priorities here Priority of prayer and priority of study of Torah. Priorities here Priority of prayer and priority of study of Torah and these two, if they're not hampering these things, then that's affliction of love. If Hashem is pulling you, you're out of commission completely, okay. That's real affliction. But affliction of love is where it doesn't take away your now why? Because that's our oxygen as Jewish people. Our oxygen is the study of Torah and being able to communicate with God. That's our oxygen. So if you take away my oxygen, it's a lot more than just affliction of love. That's real affliction, okay. So that's a basic understanding.

07:39
Now there's a third opinion Amr Luhu, rabbi Abba Bereder, rabchi abar Abba. Rab Abba, the son of Rabchi Abar Abba, said to them, to Rabbi Yaakov Bar-Edi and Rabach Bar-Chanina, the previous two opinions hochi omer, rabchi abar Abba, omer, rabi Yochanan. This is what Rabchi Abar Abba said in the name of Rabi Yochanan, elu ve. Both of these are afflictions of love, meaning even tribulations that cause neglect of Torah and prayer. They're both considered afflictions of love.

08:18
Shemem, as the verse says, for Hashem rebukes the one he loves. Hashem loves you. Hashem will rebuke you, meaning he's going to challenge you. He loves you, he loves your prayer, he loves your study of Torah. He's going to rebuke you. What's rebuke? That's the affliction that he places upon you. So what does the Torah teach? By stating From the verse we brought earlier that says fortunate is the man who God afflicts and whom you teach from your Torah, which implies that such afflictions do not prevent the person from studying Torah.

09:00
Do not read it as you teach him, but rather you teach us. The verse thus means you teach us this matter, namely that fortunate is the man who God afflicts. From your Torah, we see this as a kalvachomer. What's a kalvachomer? Anybody knows what a kalvachomer? Mishen Ve'ayin. We see this as a Kalvachomer. What's a Kalvachomer? Anybody knows what a Kalvachomer is? It's one of the 13 ways in which we learn Torah. Okay, kalvachomer means like this If I tell you the easy, you'll understand the lenient.

09:39
The lenient you'll understand the more stringent. Give you an example. So, steve, you'll understand the more stringent. I'll give you an example. So, steve, you go to the doctor. Doctor says to you you know, diabetes is really not good, it's challenging. You got to stay off the sugar. So what do you do? So you say what do you mean, doctor? He says tablespoon of sugar. Don't do it, okay. So you go with your wife and you say you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go, I'm not going to take a tablespoon of sugar, right, I'm going to go get myself a Slurpee from 7-Eleven which has about three cups of sugar in there. So you say, well, didn't the doctor say not a tablespoon? He said, yeah, a tablespoon. He didn't say three cups right, he didn't say that much. He was like what do you say? He's like no, are you out of your mind? Of course, if he said even a tablespoon, then even more, so, two cups of sugar. Right, that's the way we understand. If the Torah says I'll give you an example One of the prohibitions on Shabbos is not to write two letters.

10:43
Prohibition. One of the 39 prohibitions not to write two letters. Prohibition. One of the 39 prohibitions not to write two letters. How about writing three letters? Well, if it's two, then even more, so three, right, it's like that's obvious, right? So you don't need to say something more stringent, because you understand from the more simpler, from the lesser. Okay, the lesser teaches on the more. And therefore he's saying we learned this from Akal v'chomer. What did we learn it from Ma shein v'ayin shein echad me'ivarov, shol adam ova, evad yotze ben mecheiros, with regard to a tooth and an eye, if someone had a slave and he punches his tooth out the servant, the slave goes out free.

11:34
Right, you damage his eye. He becomes blind in one eye. He gets set free. Right, the slave goes free on account of this. Yisurin shemimorkin, kol gufo. Right, the slave goes free on account of this. He says then affliction that gets the entire body, okay, which purge a person's entire body, any type of affliction that's affecting the entire person, all the more so that the person should be freed from all of his sins on account of them. If this slave, just by losing a tooth meaning you punched him in the mouth, he lost the tooth he gets set free. Even more so.

12:21
A servant of Hashem who gets an affliction that removes him from Torah, removes him from prayer, it affects his whole existence. Even more so, he is set free from all of his sins. It's very powerful. That means it's a way to look at it. It's a way to look at affliction. You say, wow, affliction is so painful. You know, if I was a slave and I got beat up like this from my master, I'd go free Even more so, any one of us that gets such pain, we're set free of our sins. Hashem is saying this is on account of the sins. And now you're set free, so we're clean. We're clean. So almost a person might even want affliction. Give me some affliction so that it cleans off my slate of my pain, of my sins. My pain will pay for my sins and like this, I get cleared away from the sins.

13:25
Stephen has got a question here. Sure, correct. Every person has a different level of affliction, that's true, okay, so here's the thing we have to remember, one thing. I'm going to try to answer the question without repeating the whole question. Every individual is tested on their level.

13:45
Hashem doesn't test you. Why don't you respond to pain like Bruce? And Hashem doesn't test Bruce. Why don't you respond to pain like Carlos? Everyone's different, everyone is unique, everyone has a different tolerance, everyone has a different upbringing, everyone has a different frame of mind when it comes to pain, right? This is all unique to every individual, and Hashem doesn't test you with a test that's really appropriate for someone else. So now your personal test is tailor-made for you, where Hashem is saying I know exactly what irritates this guy, right? Which is why, by the way, you know, it's sometimes unwise for a person to tell somebody you know, I know you broke your hand, but let's not make a big deal out of it, because many people break their hands and they don't catch like you do, so there's no reason for it.

14:38
Okay, you're a little bit dramatic about this, right? Do we know what pain they're experiencing? Do we know their whole picture? No, for one person. It's like you know. You know what they say about men, right? Nobody can understand the pain of a man with a cold, even a woman who gives birth without an epidural right. Like a man with a cold is like the whole world turns into, like you know, purgatory. It's like I can't believe. Right, like relax. Okay, like women know pain. Okay, they understand pain. Right, it's like it's obviously, it's all relative. It's all relative because everybody has a different definition, everyone has a different threshold. By what, by how they can define pain.

15:30
You take someone who's a, a Navy SEAL, and you tell them that you got, you know, oh, I got injured my arm. He says grow up, right, don't be such a baby, right? So, so that's unique to every individual. Now, if a person doesn't pass that test so hashem is very merciful and hashem is very kind and sometimes he can give you that test again you say maybe now you'll be more prepared. Now you'll be ready for it. I'll give you another example.

15:59
You ever have a, a challenge, where you say you know what? I'm going to work on my temper, I'm going to work on my anger. I'm going to work on my temper. I'm going to work on my anger. I'm going to work on keeping it calm. I'll work on keeping my voice down. I'm not going to raise my voice because that starts the whole chain reaction.

16:16
Right, the Ramban teaches us, nachmanides teaches us the key to staying calm at all times is to keep your voice down. If you keep your voice down, you won't get angry. You won't be as triggered. Just keep your voice down. If you're able to not raise your voice, you're good, you're good, right, says the Ramban. Always act in a way that you keep your voice down. You keep your voice down, you'll stay calm. Why? Because the minute you start raising your voice, you start getting angry. Once you start getting angry, you start doing crazy things. You start throwing chairs. You start okay, whatever, I don't know what you do. Okay, right, breaking dishes. Okay, so now?

17:01
So now imagine, imagine Hashem gives you that challenge and you fail and you break the dishes. Is Hashem going to challenge you again? Absolutely, he will. But now let's say you pass that test. Hashem says you know something? This guy grew. Maybe I'll give him one more test, but then we're on to the next, right, because you passed this test, now move on.

17:24
Okay, so this is life. Life is about Hashem being patient with us giving us the test. If we pass, great, we move on. If we don't pass, we're going to finish this course. We're going to finish it again. We're going to finish again Once you pass. Then we move on to the next and sometimes, two years later, hashem comes right back he says I think we need to try this again.

17:44
So this is life. Life is about not having smooth sailing. Everything is fine. Oh, I have friends. They have no challenges at all. You know, I get challenged. My friends, they have an easy life. You have no idea, everybody's got challenges.

18:02
If only Hashem gave me their parents. If only Hashem gave me their siblings. If only Hashem gave me their parents. If only Hashem gave me their siblings. If only Hashem gave me their brains. If only Hashem. You know, someone once came to Rabbi Yisrael Salanter and said to him, the great Muslim master. He says to him Rabbi, if I had that student's brain and that student's heart and that's almost like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz if I only had that which, by the way, I think that story is all based on this story with the Rebbe Saul Salanter over 200 years ago If I only had all of those components, I'd be the greatest human being ever. Rebbe Saul Salanter said no, you, with your mind, with your heart, with your kindness, with everything that you have, you can be the greatest.

18:50
And the idea of comparing our worlds? You see the Talmud says in Sanhedrin. A person should always say the world was created for me Not in a selfish way, but in a responsibility way, meaning I need to step up to the plate because Hashem put me here for my challenge. So my grandfather once said in one of his lectures I remember this as clear as day. He said the miracle of our world is that each one of us are in our own little world, our own little bubble. How you know, you had a different life experience than anybody else around the table and you had a different life experience than anybody else around the time. Each one of us here in this room experienced a completely different life experience, a different way we were raised a different parent, a parent, different set of parents. Even if we have a, a, an identical twin.

19:43
Still, how many identical twins? Do you know that, even like the same color? No, they don't. They don't like the same sports, they don't have the same talents, the same skills, the same abilities, the same traits, nothing the same. What do you mean? They were the same womb. It doesn't make a difference. We're all uniquely different, we're all special in our differences and that only obligates us.

20:09
So now each one of us are in our own world, and yet we can interact between those worlds. Isn't that amazing that, eliana, you have your own world, your own world, and your world can now interact with Anna's world. Isn't that special that? The two worlds? And the problem is that we convince ourselves that no, I'm not in my own world, we're all in the same world together, and that's not true. We're all in uniquely different worlds. We're convinced that we're in the same world, and that's a mistake. We're not in the same world. We're not in the same world, right? We're in our own little bubble, and that bubble can interact, intercommunicate with other bubbles, with other worlds, and we're there exactly when the Almighty says this is where you need to interact with that other world, each one with their own responsibilities.

21:12
So when we stand in judgment in front of the Almighty and we say, hashem, you sent me so many challenges, hashem says, yeah, compared to someone else, maybe that's a lot, but you had the skills and you had the abilities, you had the talents, you had the capability to overcome that. I would never give you a challenge that you cannot. It's like almost expecting to put a. My baby, my youngest, is two years old, almost two years old. Imagine I put her on a 10-speed bicycle that's 26 inches high, right, she doesn't know how to ride a bicycle. She doesn't, she can't. She'll fall right off. Like, what are you expecting, like? But we all have common sense. We know that we cannot expect a two-year-old to do that, right. My 70-year-old, who can ride a bicycle, cannot ride that bicycle either, because it's too big.

22:08
Hashem doesn't put us in a challenge we cannot succeed in. That's the fact of life. Hashem does not expect us to fulfill a mission. That's unattainable. So what? Hashem gives us exactly the challenge that we need. So, stephen, I hope I answered your question. Okay, this is the custom that we need. So, stephen, I hope I answered your question. Okay, this is the custom-made challenge.

22:35
That's how you can feel a closeness to Hashem every single day. Because you know, like, oh, hashem picks. You know it's like you go to the doctor and you're like, oh, my arm is hurting. So he says where does it hurt? Does it hurt here? No, does it hurt here, no. And then he touches the spot and like, ah, he's like, how about now? Ah, right, it's like it gets even worse, like didn't I tell you it hurt the first time? What do you, what do you like? And Hashem, he gets that spot. It's almost like a wife. She finds that spot, okay, she finds that spot that irritates you, and then pushes harder and pushes harder, and pushes harder. Until you learn to overcome that challenge. Until you learn to overcome that challenge, until you learn to fix that problem right.

23:16
And you know what I believe and I found this in the sources of our sages that the relationship of a husband and wife, which is a reason a man always needs to be married, right, the Torah obligates that a man always needs to be married. Why does a man always need to be married? Because it says this. It says this some a man who's not married it's like he's living without a wall. He's living without a, without a, without life. It's a whole. There's many, many examples given why?

23:43
Because your wife is there to always challenge you and to help you grow. And when living alone is much easier. I can guarantee you that it's much easier Live alone. You have no challenge, no one's. Don't you know what You're going to have to learn? To not throw your laundry on the floor Cause your wife is going to be up in your grill right. Pick up your laundry right. I mean every step of and now, every man and every woman with their own challenge.

24:08
And sometimes people look and I've heard this from people where they tell me if only my wife was like my friend's wife, if only my, you know, it's like only if my. All these different challenges because you know what your wife is, custom made for you, custom made for you exactly to help you up that ladder in a way that nobody else is fit for. And that's exactly the challenge. Hashem gives you, the exact person you need to perfect you. Now you can run away from it or you can embrace it, because I guarantee you, as the New York Times says, what is that? The paper of what? The paper of anonymous sources right. So the right. The paper of record right. So what is what do they say?

24:59
The New York Times they did a study of like 10,000 divorced and remarried men and they found that in the upper 90% of those men in their second marriage experienced the exact same challenges that they experienced with their first wife. You know why. You know why. You know why. I'll tell you why. Because if you don't change, your problems are going to stay your problems. It's like if people I've seen this, sadly people try to move to a different city because they have certain issues. So, like you know what, if we move there, then we're not going to have issues in our shambais, in our marriage. If we move there, then we're not going to have issues with our children. If we move there, then we're not going to face certain challenges which, by the way, I want to address something I think it was Alex.

26:00
One of our listeners brought up a question privately in an email where I mentioned recently that my parents moved away from Brooklyn when I had a negative influence in Brooklyn. And he says no, he says I think your parents may have made a mistake because the you know the the challenge that you were facing. Instead of giving you the tools to to to combat it or to deal with it, they just took you out of the the challenge and put you someplace else and you're sort of like running away from your problems. So I want to address that. I told him I was going to address it. If I got your name wrong, I apologize. I will see it after class. I'll look at my emails and be like, oh, I can't believe his name was, you know, richard. I don't remember that. I think his name was Alex Either way. So let me just address this for a second.

26:56
In general, you're right, you should not run away from your problems. Don't run away. Face them head on. Okay, and there's something which is very, very appropriate about facing your issues, facing your challenges, and not running away from them. And, like we're saying here, you know, moving to another country is not going to fix your marriage. You got to fix your marriage and it'll blossom wherever you are and if it's rotten, it'll be rotten wherever you are.

27:20
And it all comes with the frame of mind which, by the way, the frame of mind I believe in a most successful marriage is taking away the exit signs. It's a frame of mind Number one there's no exit, the doors are closed. I'm going to have to be with this woman for the rest of my life. Now, figure it out. That's your job, and if a person does that in any relationship, it'll be successful. Notwithstanding the differences and you may need to work out some things, it's fine. But that frame of mind because as long as there's an exit sign on top of that door, you're not going to devote yourself completely to figuring it out and I found it to be very effective when I've talked to couples and I'm not a therapist, I don't claim to be one, I'm not a marriage counselor, I'm just a rabbi but I've found it to be very effective because they're always thinking you know, I always have a backup plan. No, no, no, there's no backup plan. Remove, delete the backup plan, delete the exit on the top of the door. There is no door. You're locked in this elevator forever with this woman, all right, and now you'll see one second. There's so many virtues, there's so many great qualities. We can make this work right and you have no choice because we're locked in there. You better make it work, because you could be miserable in that elevator for the rest of your life, or you can be happy, and that's okay.

28:50
Let me go back to Alex's question for a second. Let me ask you a question, and this is to you, my dear friend Alex on the I hope his name is Alex, because that's going to be really awkward by the time we're done. Let me ask you a question. Okay, would you say the same thing about cocaine? Like, don't hide the cocaine, don't keep it away from your child, just like he should learn to stay away from it. No, everybody would say that that is a really bad idea. Okay, no, don't keep your child in a place where there's going to be a challenge that's going to be insurmountable and have a very deep negative effect, and I believe that there's a difference between right very deep negative effect, and I believe that there's a difference between right.

29:34
I'm not saying that we have to, you know, childproof our homes for our children. On the contrary, I'm a very big believer of letting them fall, letting them face their challenges, but also understanding that there are sometimes certain challenges for certain children that could perhaps be insurmountable for them. It could be due to their age, it could be due to their circumstances, it could be due to their personality and I think that in general, we need to find a balance that is healthy for each and every one of our children. And my parents, I think, were very, very spectacular at that, where they recognized the needs of their children at that moment and, even though it may have not been a popular decision, they did what they felt was right for their children at that time. And there were times my parents decided, you know what, right now, what's best for our children is for us to be in Israel. My parents packed their bags the next day, boom, they moved to Israel because they felt that it would be a better experience for their children at that time, and then they felt it was better for them to go back. They went back, okay, and they moved back to their home in Muncie. And then you know it's like you have to. Parents need to be very attuned to the needs of their children, not their own personal needs, not their own personal comforts. Every parent needs to see what's best.

30:55
So, to answer your question, our dear listener and I welcome all of our listeners, you can email me, my email is on the notes of this podcast and video is to understand your child. We're not trying to neutralize the zone for our children. But, yes, like internet, internet I don't think that it's a healthy thing. I don't think it's a good thing for our children. By the way, in schools now in New York City, they're banning all smartphones, right? Oh? Why are you doing that? Just teach them how to stay away from it. No, it's cocaine. It's cocaine. You keep it away from your children. Now does that mean that everything in life we have to pamper our children and protect them and conceal? No, we don't raise our children with eyes closed. We raise our children with a healthy environment, and when the environment is unhealthy, then sometimes you need to move to a different environment and do something proactively to ensure that our children are in a better place. So that's my answer to our dear listener's question. Thank you very much and again, I invite all of our listeners to your questions. So I hope I answered your question as well, steve, in the process, anna, so that's a very, very good question. No, we should never. Okay, so great question.

32:17
You're saying that you don't feel a lot of affliction. Should you be waiting for the? Is this the calm before the storm, or should you be counting your blessings? I say like this I think it's a very healthy perspective that you have, because I don't believe there's a human being who doesn't face a challenge, a worry, a concern, and you've come to terms with it and you've come to appreciate the life that you have and to see it in a good light, which is very commendable. Not everyone sees that. Not everyone sees that the life that they're experiencing is the absolute best and I praise you for living in that light of life. And Hashem should always protect you and everybody here and everybody listening, everyone watching from any type of pain, any type of affliction, any type of sorrow. And I think it's very enviable that you're in a situation, in a state where you feel that you're in a wholesome state, which is great. I can bet you that if you sat and spoke to some people, they'd be like, oh, my goodness, that must be so difficult and you're like not difficult at all. Right, or either because you've learned to overcome those challenges and we don't ask, but one of the things that we pray for in our prayer every single day in the morning.

33:36
Listen to our prayer podcast, episode number. I don't know the episode number, but it's the last episode of the morning blessings where we say Hashem, don't bring us to a place of sin and not into a place of challenge. Not that we shouldn't have any challenges in life Life is filled with challenges but not a challenge that I consider to be insurmountable, that I consider to be undoable, unattainable, something that I'm not able to overcome. Hashem, keep it minimal. Keep it minimal, right. It shouldn't be scorned by others. I shouldn't be embarrassed by my lack of ability to overcome that challenge. That's our morning prayer that we say every single day. Hashem, please don't bring me to a place of challenge where I won't be able to overcome that challenge. It's a real thing. It's a real thing.

34:48
Everybody's got a challenge. Everybody's got a challenge. It's like some people have a bigger challenge than others. Like let me ask you a question who has a bigger challenge? The person who comes to watch the football game or the person on the field getting thrown a football at 150 miles an hour on a run, with a 300-pound tackler coming at him? I think the person on the field, because he's in the game as a human being. There are some people who are saying you know what, hashem, I don't want to grow that much, leave me alone, I'm happy being in the bleachers, don't bother me, don't put the focus on me. There are some people who say I want happy being in the bleachers and don't bother me, don't put the focus on me. There's some people say I want to be on the field and I'm going to have to face a hundred mile an hour fastball and I'm going to swing and miss and it's going to be difficult, but I'm ready to face that challenge. So that's also our choice, whether or not we know.

35:47
You know one of my, one of the classes I remember I said this not long ago, but one of the classes that we taught in one of the congregations in Houston. Here one of the women after class said oh Rabbi, what's the topic next week? What's the trait that we're going to be working on? And I said the trait is going to be patient. The woman's like you know what, maybe I'll skip next week because I'm a very patient person. Okay, I said it's possible, you're very patient, but maybe your definition of patience is a little bit different than what we're going to talk about. So it might be worthwhile for you to come. I was trying to just get more clientele. You know people in the class. You know it's a free class, okay.

36:23
So the woman came to the class the following week and we talked about patience part one. The woman came to the class the next week part two and before I started the class she says Rabbi, I need to apologize. She said I arrogantly said two weeks ago that I don't need to come to class because I got patience down pat. She said little did I know. I didn't even know what patience was, because as I pulled out of class last week after talking for over an hour listening to your lecture on patience, I realized that one of my habits was I was honking at the car in front of me. Move it, pull out already, let's go, come on. What's taking you so long? I didn't realize how impatient I was.

37:09
So sometimes we don't even realize that we don't even have the right definition. We don't even know what it is. So, yeah, it's an important thing for us to sometimes get into the game. She suddenly realized that once you get on the field, now you're going to face the fastballs. Now the pitch is going to be a curveball. Now it's going to be a slider.

37:28
You don't even know, because you're not in the game, you're out in the bleachers. No one's going to throw the ball at you, then You're not facing those challenges, and I think that that's the gift of our life, is where we can say, hashem, you know what? I'm not asking for a challenge, I'm asking to grow. What's my next step? Guide me to it so I can overcome it. Guide me to it so I can take the next step in my growth and become a better person. That's what affliction of love is. Hashem is saying I love you. Let's build this relationship a little bit more, let's take it to the next level, not that it should just be smooth sailing and then I neglect the relationship God forbid or I take things for granted. Okay, so I answered your question, anna. Great Hashem should bless you with only good things, all right, okay, so now the Talmud here continues.

38:22
So we said if a person, a slave, loses a tooth or an eye, they get set free. Even more so someone who has pain that limits them, affliction that limits them, it removes all of their sin and it really cleans their account. Okay, the same lesson can be derived from the Gezer HaShava, from a parallel lesson, where Gezer HaShava is where we see. The Talmud will explain it here. Okay, so Ve'ha'inu d'rabi shemen me'lachash. And this is, in effect, where abshemen me'lachash says da'omer abshemen me'lachash, or abshemen me'lachash said ne'm, the word covenant, the word covenant. When we see the same word used in different places, you can extract the same policies for both of them. They use that in legal terms. What do you use that as Precedent? There's precedent. If you see a similar ruling here, you can apply that here. Okay, so let's see.

39:32
So the word covenant is stated in reference to salt and the word covenant is stated in reference to affliction. The word covenant is stated in reference to salt, as it is written and may not discontinue. The salt of the covenant and the word covenant that's referring to this is from the verse in Leviticus. I apologize, this is a verse in Leviticus, and now the Talmud continues. And these are the words of the covenant.

40:14
This analogy teaches the following just as in the case of the covenant it is stated in reference to salt, the salt sweetens the meat. So too, in the case of the covenant, stated in reference to afflictions, the affliction purges all of a person's sins. So what is the saying here? He says of a person's sins. So what is the saying here? He says salt has the capacity that, when placed on raw meat, it draws out the blood and thereby sweetens the meat, making it fit to eat. Likewise, afflictions have the capacity of removing the boiling blood, the hot-tempered nature of a person which causes him to sin, and, now that it removed, that he becomes a sweeter person, he becomes a gentler person. Alternatively, just as salt removes impurities from meat and renders it fit for its intended purpose, so too suffering purifies the soul and renders it fit for the world to come. So we see the lesson from salt is applied one to the other.

41:33
And this is where the Gemara now concludes the discussion, really, about this type of affliction, the affliction of love, where the Talmud is telling us so importantly that we need to, so importantly that we need to recognize every situation that happens in our life as a learning opportunity from the Almighty. A person should never say oh, did you see what he did to me? Did you see what they said? No, no, no. Hashem sent those messengers there and placed them into my world, my little sphere, so that I can be influenced in that way, and whether it's pain, whether it's suffering, whether it's embarrassment, it's all a gift to me.

42:19
As the Talmud says that someone who's embarrassed publicly and does not react does not shame. In return, such a person is forgiven of all their sins as well. Oh, you took a lesson. You took it into heart. Meaning they embarrassed you publicly. It's very painful, it's an affliction. You didn't spit it back, you took it in. You took it, let it get absorbed within you. Ah, you learned your lesson. That's very virtuous. That's the right way to take in all afflictions. Alright, my dear friends, any questions? Yeah, lod's wife is a good question. Lod's wife, that was actually a covenant as well, where God calls it a covenant. If I remember correctly, that's what the Torah says is a.

43:12
But maybe Hashem did that just so that the Israelis can sell Dead Sea products in the malls forever. But you know I love picking on them, right? So okay. So here's the thing is that you wonder how do they sell that, right? Baruch atah adinu ilayhinu meloch olam shah kol niyaya b'dvaray. So you have to understand like this is that there's a lesson to be learned there?

43:40
What did Hashem say? Don't look back. Why did she look back? Why did she look back? Why did Hashem say not to look back? Don't look at the suffering of others. Don't look. Do you see them suffering? By the way, it's a very interesting thing. You know what the you're not meaning. When someone else is suffering, feel their pain with them, don't look at it and say like, oh, lucky me, hashem saved me, whoa, gone, right, you're taking pride in their demise. No, don't take pride in that. You know it's an interesting in general, the whole idea of not gloating by another person's downfall. When you look at someone else's pain, it's not a good thing because then you feel you become numb. You become numb to other people's.

44:38
To me, one of the most disturbing things is when you see all of these online. You can see videos of people beating each other, people hurting each other, people you know saying things that are in not nice even if it's on a newscast, right people saying not nice things to one another. It desensitizes us. It desensitizes us and we become numb to it, become numb, and it's not a good thing for a person to become numb to someone else's plight. The Torah teaches us everything about being sensitive to someone else's plight and this, perhaps with the wife of Lot, was a lack of sensitivity.

45:28
You know that Hashem says I'm turning them over. It's going to be like sulfur and ashes and it's going to. They're going to be burnt to a crisp, the entire Sodom and Gomorrah, everything done, and you're turning around to perhaps just have a good moment of like oh yeah, exactly, I got saved from that. That's inappropriate. That's inappropriate. Hashem saved you. Don't gloat about it. Be thankful, see how this is great for you, but don't gloat at the pain of others. Don't feel a sense of like. Oh, and that's perhaps a little bit of an insight.

46:12
There are many, many commentaries that talk about the punishment that she got and why it was an act for an act. Mida k'neged mida, even though actually our prime minister of the state of Israel actually just said it's acts for act. He says it's eyes for eye, it's teeth for tooth. He says it's eyes for eye, it's teeth for tooth, right. He says it's not. You know they threw one missile at Ben-Gurion Airport. They don't have an airport anymore, right? This is probably the right way to act and I totally I endorse that.

46:41
I don't think he's waiting for my endorsement, but I think that for evil, you don't wait to be nice and you don't be kind. You don't wait to be nice and you don't be kind. Evil needs only learns one way. Sadly, israel learned the hard way that you can't be nice, can't be nice with people who have evil, okay, but this is my political corner of the class. Yes, you had a question. No such thing.

47:01
We see that everybody can become numb. In fact, you know something, noah? Noah was a very special person. Noach ish tzaddik Tamim hayib adorosav. He was a pure person in his generation, special. What do we see about Noach? They were not allowed to have conjugal relations in the ark Husband and wife. There were four couples there Noach's three sons, him, his wife and their three daughter-in-laws daughters-in-law and for all the time that they were there, they were not together with their spouses. Why not? The whole world is suffering and you're going to, you know, pleasure yourself. No, that's not the way we act. And, by the way, that's the same thing.

47:52
When we see that a part of the world is suffering grave suffering, especially if it's in our community, in our city, we should feel a sense of like oh, my house wasn't hit by Hurricane Harvey, I'm fine. It should be something, something a little pinch. We feel like the pain of our community, the pain of our city. Other people lost their homes, other people flooded their cars, their belongings, everything. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm okay. Just continue my ordinary day, get uncomfortable.

48:24
Okay, so there's something to sharing that experience and building our reserves of compassion and mercy, because otherwise we become numb. We become numb. It's very easy to become numb. My life is a good life. I live out in my ranch and goodbye, turn off the rest of the world.

48:45
No, we have to live in a responsible way to feel the pain of others. Yeah, so what I'm saying is you're right, those who can't look at the videos are not numb, but those who do look will become numb to it completely and we need to train ourselves to protect our eyes, to protect ourselves from violence, immorality, things that are inappropriate, immodesty. We can become very numb to it if we don't protect ourselves and put protective measures to ensure that we don't become callous in those areas of our lives. So they have other issues, other challenges, they have other sets of, but again, we shouldn't invite problems to our lives. We shouldn't invite problems, but we have to hold on and protect ourselves. We should hold on and protect ourselves and protect our children. Today, it's inevitable.

49:43
I think the worst thing today for children are our phones. The absolute worst thing. It's just like you wouldn't give your child cocaine. You don't give them phones. The absolute worst thing, right? It's just like you wouldn't give your child cocaine. You don't give them phones, right? Like, learn, grow up, just learn it's a bad thing for you and just stay away from cocaine. No, don't do that, right? Children today and there's things that are coming out I just read a report of there are gangs that are soliciting children on social media platforms to do terrible things to themselves, like to hurt themselves, to hurt their animals and to video it and to really terrible things.

50:25
There's a whole gang that they just caught of illegals here in the United States, that they caught this whole gang. And this is what they've been doing. They've been trying to quote inspire young kids, young influenceable kids. They're very influenced by the, you know, and it's really terrible. So we have to protect our children, and parents don't know what's going on out there.

50:49
Most parents you know Snapchat and you guys remember Snapchat. I don't think it's popular. I haven't seen anything from it in several years. But they created an app and I heard the interview. They interviewed the guy who created it. He said I want you to create it in a way that parents cannot figure out how to use it. Only kids can. It's so complicated. Only the kids can figure it out. So the parents have no idea what their kids are doing. That's tragic. And a parent who lets their kids be on such platforms that are damaging, that are hurtful, that potentially is tragic. It's tragic and we can't, we can't. You won't let your kids run into the street dangerously, right. Why would you let your kids get into, get into on a phone and talk and communicate to whoever they want? So now, if it's monitored and it's, you know you have parental controls and so on and so forth, okay, that's a different story. It's different.

51:52
I've always said this. I said that the ratings that they have on movies I think is a terrible thing. I think it's a terrible thing Because why can't your child watch that movie? Oh, it's inappropriate for children, it's appropriate for adults. Your soul is not as sensitive. Your soul is just as sensitive. Your soul is just as sensitive. But what you're numb to it so you can watch things, it's just as bad and I think it's a big mistake.

52:20
Alright, my dear friends, any other questions? You had a question, marcus. Ok, so you're saying that? How can you say that? Right, right, you would be great in the IDF. You should go, I know. Okay, torch. We've got to blow this place up, that's right. We've got to blow up ignorance, that's right. Amen, amen, amen, yeah, so that's a great question. You're saying not to be callous and not to be. Yeah, so that's a great question. You're saying not to be callous and not to be.

52:49
But sometimes someone who's in the IDF, someone who is a Navy SEAL, they have to go and do things. You should just know that removing evil from this world is a good thing. You see, we think that, oh, any type of violence, so to speak, is terrible In most cases, that's true. Right, not to beat up your English principal or your teacher or a classmate is something that our children need to learn. Right, that's a terrible thing. But someone who's evil, the Torah says remove them, remove them completely. No mercy. That's a wrong mercy, that's a wrong compassion. So, yeah, you have to know where the right balance is and that every person needs to be attentive to what is the right and what is the wrong balance in that, by the way, kindness is also charity.

53:43
Is charity bad? Is charity bad? No, charity is the best thing in the world. Wrong, if you give away all of your money and now you don't have food to feed your family. That's a bad type of charity. I gave away everything. I'm such a righteous person no, you're an idiot. You gave away your children's lunch. Why would you do that? Okay, so, yes, giving charity. There's a balance to it. There's a balance in everything you see, in this world that we're living in now, in our culture, we love black and white. We love. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. You're telling me to be compassionate? Okay, I'll be compassionate. Right, so people go overboard. Instead of being compassionate to human beings, they now are busy being compassionate to the sharks and to the whales and to the turtles. They now are busy being compassionate to the sharks and to the whales and to the turtles. Right, they're off balance. Right? Instead of being kind to humanity, they're being evil to humanity and kind to the wrong. That doesn't mean, by the way, exactly, exactly.

54:56
The biggest, you know, the worst phrase about humanity in our generation is when they say the dog is man's best friend. You know, I've said this before because you know what. Let me ask you a question. Okay, stephen, you're going to go home to your wonderful wife and daughter, and you know you went to a class, a Torah class, and in the class they said you know, women are very emotional, right, which is true. Women are much more emotional than men most of the time. Again, it's not a rule 100%, but it's okay, okay, okay. So now let's imagine this. So you say, okay, emotions. So let me ask you a question. My dog is also emotions, right, my ask you a question. My dog is also emotions, right, my dog has emotions. I'm not comparing, but let's understand the difference here, okay, okay. So let me explain the difference.

55:33
So you come home and your wife is all excited oh, stephen's home, she gets all dressed up, she's all okay. He's like hey, how are you honey? And you're like listen, I had a rough day. Okay, there's a lot of traffic. I'm really not in the mood of this. I just want to watch my sports. Okay, just leave me alone, I want to watch my sports. Now, what is the likelihood that your wife is going to greet you at the door like that the next day? Zero likelihood. Why, I said I thought she's emotions. No, she has intellect. Okay, she has intellect. She's not controlled solely by her emotions. She has intellect that guides her, okay, and an outstanding memory okay. And she doesn't like pain and that was painful. She's not going to do that again.

56:15
Let me ask you about your dog. When you come out of your truck and your dog is jumping on you so excited to see you, you say, bad dog, stop it. What happens? Five minutes later it comes back to you wagging its tail like nothing ever happened. Why it doesn't remember that it does, but it's controlled completely by its emotion.

56:37
And for us to be such awful human beings that our best friend is a dog who has no memory, who has emotion and total forgiveness of what you did, because we're going to be held accountable if it was a human being, that's a really sorry state of humanity that we say, man's best friend, you can't possibly maintain a relationship with a human being. You can only maintain a relationship with a dog who forgot what you did to them two minutes ago and that's a terrible, terrible thing. I think it's a, it's a, it's devastating. And not that we shouldn't have dogs. Dogs are great Dogs, but that's your best friend, that's the only one. You cannot insult and and lose a friendship, right? That's terrible. That's terrible. We should be man's best friend, should be man, and we shouldn't be insulting to people and be held accountable. You understand this is, I think, a really, really dark place for humanity. If that's our best friend, that's our best friend.

57:40
Again, I'm not saying that we shouldn't have dogs and we shouldn't, by the way, the halacha says. The halacha, the Torah says you feed your animal before you feed yourself. You're about to have a good dinner. Make sure you feed your dog, you feed your fish, feed your cat, feed your animals, whatever they are. You feed them before yourself, before yourself. That's the halacha, that's what the Torah teaches us. But you don't take over your life and you have to have accountability to take care of human beings better than you take care of your dog. Okay, not that you shouldn't take care of your dog well, take care of your dog well, but treat human beings even better, because they do have a memory and they're not only emotion. That's why a kelev a dog, and they're not only emotion. That's why a dog is called Kolev. It's called a dog because it's all heart, it's all emotion, it's controlled all by its emotion and if that's the only friendship we can manage, that's a terrible indictment on mankind. All right, my dear friends, have an amazing Shabbos. Thank you so much.

58:57 - Intro (Announcement)
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