Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection

You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of TORCH in Houston, Texas. This is the Jewish Inspiration Podcast.

And now my dear friends we resume with day 122 on page 695 of the Treasure for Life edition of the Orchha Tzadikim, the Ways of the Righteous. We're at the last part of the gate of falsehood. Our Sages say as follows, A person should be extremely cautious and careful. If someone comes and asks to borrow something that you have, a person shouldn't say ain't me. Right? You shouldn't say,
don't put them off and say I don't have it. But if he must, he should push him off in such a way that it does not necessitate a lie. Okay, so someone comes to you, can I borrow your hammer? Don't say I don't have a hammer. I don't have one for you because that's not true. Not true. So but you don't want to lend it or you're not in the mood of lending it now. So you can say listen, I'm very busy. I don't have time to get it.
Remember we talked about we talked about previously, I don't remember which of our of our previous episodes, we talked about that a person needs to use extreme caution. When oh, we learned this in our in our halacha. When we learned about tzedakah, the chapter of tzedakah in our Everyday Judaism podcast, we talked about the laws of charity, that if someone asks you for money and you don't have any money on you, don't say I don't have money. I can't give you. I don't have anything.
Because you don't want to open up the evil eye of the Satan to say, oh, I'm gonna make sure you don't have. You opened up that path. You opened up the, you verbalized it. You manifested it. And now I'm gonna bring it to to reality. You're really not gonna have money now. A person should be very very careful what they say. I've shared a story about this. We grew up being very superstitious about this, very superstitious.
My father told us a story when we were young and it was always like you got to be very very careful. For example, like when people go on a trip, they go on a vacation, they go there, they travel, my children, when they go to yeshiva, they know. So sometimes when people leave, they go to the airport and they say, okay, goodbye. This is the last time I'm gonna see you. Be very very careful about what you say. Before I travel, right?
I'm not gonna see you for a few months. So be very careful about the words you use. And I'll tell you a story that my father told me, that there was a man in his community where they grew up in this little village. He would go every morning, he'd leave his house at exactly at a certain time, he'd get on the train and then, you know, he'd get to work, come back at it, you know, exactly on that train or that moment,
you know, he was very exact. One morning he went and he had a stomachache. He came back home and another time he went back to the train station, went back home, and his wife says to him, what's going on? He says, don't worry, this time I'm going, I'm not coming back. And indeed, he never came back again. Right? He was in an accident and he passed away. So we have to be very careful with our words. Be very careful. You know? This doesn't mean that, you know,
God forbid, if we made such a mistake or we said something, that something terrible will happen to us. No, but a person should be very careful with their words. So a person shouldn't say, I don't have it, but if you don't want to lend it, you can say, I'm not able to help you right now, I'm not able to do it, just don't lie. Don't lie. Don't say, I don't have it, if you do have it. Rather, if you don't want to lend it, you can say, I'm not able to
help you right now, I'm not able to do it. Just don't lie. Okay? In the book known as the Sefer Hasidim, it's brought down, He says, if someone comes to borrow money from you and you don't want to lend the money, you know what? You're not interested in lending the money. You're not sure that they're gonna pay you back. You're not sure whatever it is. He says, don't say, I don't have money. Say, I'm not interested in lending right now.
I'm not in the position where I can loan you this money at this moment, right? Don't say, I don't have it. Push it off. Don't lie. Don't lie. He says, if you're gonna tell the person, listen, you're gonna try to brush them off with an answer, the person's gonna start getting angry. Oh, you just don't want to lend me money. And that's why you're not, he says, if you need to lie for the purpose of peace, so that this person not hate you, and not be
disgusted by you, he says, that's a different question. A person has to use proper judgment to ensure that he's not gonna be damaged by this, but to be clever. A person could say, you know, I have the money that you want to borrow, but I have it committed to something already. Okay, that's a different way to say it. If you can push the person away like that. Now, you have to remember that there is a mitzvah in the Torah to loan some money. So if someone comes to borrow,
then you have a special mitzvah in the Torah to loan the money. Now, I've been asked multiple times where people were concerned that they said to me, there's someone who's coming to me for a loan, and they have not paid me back for their last loan. And I'm afraid that the money that I loan out, I'll never see again. So that's a big problem. And I've heard this from numerous people,
you know, in the community, who've told me that I don't, so I asked them, if it's an amount that you don't mind giving as charity, then you can loan it with, in the back of your mind, it might be charity one day. Right, but if it's a large amount that you're not willing to give, to separate from, for charity, so then you have to consider cautiously whether or not you can loan that money, if you may not see it again. The punishment for a liar is great, severe.
But when you say, I don't believe him, I feel like when you say, I don't believe him, why? Because someone who's a liar, even when he speaks the truth, they're not going to believe him. And we have to remember that falsehood has no feet to stand on. Remember, we talked about this, that the letters of the word sheker, shin, kuf, and resh, all have one leg. Eventually, you'll fall. Eventually, falsehood will collapse. Truth will stand forever.
A person should not cause others to lie on his behalf. He says, don't cause someone to lie to you. Don't cause someone to lie to you. What does it mean? You see someone's in a fight with another person. He's like, tell me, tell me what's going on. Tell me the story. And the person doesn't want to tell you. So he's gonna make up a lie and share with you a falsehood. So that's not either good.
Okay, don't force people to say things if you know that it's gonna lead to falsehood. And from then on, he'll start doing other things, and he'll find himself in a lie. And so, be careful in all matters. A person should be overly cautious not to lie in any interaction, in business, in any transaction, to be truthful, to be honest, to the T. And don't cause others to lie on your behalf. For example, someone calls your house today.
You have telemarketers calling all the time. You have all these different types of, tell them I'm not home. Is that true? That's not true. That's not true. You're teaching a child to lie. And a person needs to know that this is, a parent needs to know that this is a really terrible thing if we're teaching our children to use falsehood as a tool. That's really, really a terrible thing. Be zersh li yischa b'le shakron. Don't connect and don't affiliate yourself with one who is a liar.
V'lo yisiv yitini me shakron. And don't negotiate with a liar. If you know the person you're dealing with is a liar, you know, I saw this incredible clip from, what's the guy from Berkshire Hathaway, CEO, Warren Buffett. So Warren Buffett said, thank you. So Warren Buffett said, he said, he says, always do business with people who are honest. He says, you know why? Because someone who's dishonest will make your life miserable. Even if you dot every I and you cross every T on that contract, someone who is a liar,
someone who is a cheater, someone who's dishonest will always find a way to make your life miserable. Oh, you have all these lawyers looking over the contract. This is, you know, it's, it's, there's no way to get around it. They'll figure it out a way. Or they'll drag you to court and make your life miserable. It's not worth it. Deal with honest people and you'll be much happier. And he said this, he said, I prefer making less money dealing with honest people than the promise of making more money
with dishonest people who will just make life, my life miserable. All right. So you can find that clip online. You can share it with the group. It's really powerful. It's, it's a, it's an incredible lesson of seeing the big picture here is at the end of the day, you want to stick to people who are truthful and honest. So don't even negotiate with them. And don't even talk to people who are untruthful. And a person needs great wisdom to escape lying.
Because the is always preying on man to just lie a little bit, a white lie. It's just, it's just, it's not, it's inconsequential. Providing man with rationalizations to cast them into the net of lies. And we do know, the Talmud tells us, there are instances where it is permitted to tell a lie, to tell a falsehood, right? To go and lie in order to make peace between one man and his fellow. So we know the story of Aaron,
our high priest, the brother of Moses. What did he do? If you would see two people in a quarrel, two people fighting, you'd go to one and say, you know, I spoke to that guy, you're fighting, I know you're in a feud with, he feels so terrible. He was crying to me, telling me he has no, he's so embarrassed by what he did. He's just, he doesn't know how to ask for forgiveness. He
thinks you'll never want to talk to him again. And then he goes to the other guy, says the same thing. And then they make peace. Now imagine 10 years later, they figure out that Aaron really duped them. He really tricked them. He lied to them for the sake of peace. So they're going to come out to a complaint. Oh, we had 10 years of friendship, but you lied to us. Now most of them
will say, you know what? It was better off. It was better off to be friends for another 10 years. Even if Aaron really didn't. But the idea behind it is to bring people together. Sometimes it's not only false. I was dealing recently with a couple that was dealing with some challenges in their marriage. And it wasn't to say a lie, God forbid, but sometimes you don't have to share all the information, you know, and sometimes that can help. That doesn't mean hiding significant things. I
mean, sometimes there's just, there's nonsense that doesn't need to be said. You know, if you repeat sometimes all of the conversation, it's just going to cause more damage. If you sometimes share less, it will, it can help bring them together and help minimize the damage. And as the Talmud tells us, it is permitted to praise a bride before the groom as being beautiful and charming. And even if she's not so, the Talmud says you're allowed to lie.
You're allowed to say your bride is beautiful and your bride is charming. So the Talmud actually goes into discussing, I think we did a Thinking Talmudist episode on this. If we didn't, maybe we should. Mark, you remind me, it's the tractate Ketubot 17a. But you know, there's actually an argument in the Talmud, whether or not there is, whether one should say Kala Nava Hasuda or Kala Kamosh Shehi, or do we just say, we say that she's beautiful and charming, or do we say that,
say it the way it is. So I say, just say, you should say Kala Nava Hasuda, you should say that she's beautiful and charming. Because every person has beauty and charm. You just have to bring it out. You have to find it sometimes. You have to find that goodness. And our sages, the other one, the other opinion says, no, you have to say it the way it is. What does it mean, say it the way it
is? Find that goodness and talk about that. Don't say she's obnoxious. Don't say she, find the quality. You have to find the virtue because every person has great qualities. You have to find those qualities and bring those to light. So the both opinions at the Talmud end up agreeing. Ubi Shpiza, in relations to hospitality. If one has a gracious host, he should not announce it in public. Right? Don't say, how good is this man in whose house I lodged? How greatly he honored me. Lest
many unworthy people come to take themselves to, to make themselves his guests and then overstay their welcome and take advantage of this person. And then he's not going to want to do those acts of hospitality anymore. He says, one, the verse states, he who blesses his friend with a loud voice rising early in the morning, it will be considered a curse to him later on. Another area that you're allowed to lie on, you're allowed to speak an untruth.
Ubi Shpiza, in relation to studying Talmud. If one asks you, how fluent are you in this Talmud? A person can say, I'm not. Meaning you don't need to reveal all of the wisdom and all of the knowledge that you possess. You can minimize it. It's, it's important for us to, to, to realize that these are things that we don't want to cause damage to people. And having guests in your home is you're bringing in people. I will tell you an amazing story. My wife has a cousin that everybody
knows. He lives in Brooklyn, New York. And the people who come to collect charity from Israel, from Europe, from wherever, you know, in the Jewish community, they all know that they can always stay. And this person, he built out his first floor of his house, the basement of his house. Bedrooms, bedrooms, bedrooms, and people come and go like, you know, it's every day, it's like a whole shift of people leaving, people coming, people going. It's unbelievable. One day
he was there. And this is the owner of the house. And one of the guests had no idea who he was. So he said to him, he says, you know, I've been here for two weeks already. Do you think they're going to kick me out? Right? He said this to the homeowner. So the homeowner says back to him, he says, I've been here for 20 years. They haven't kicked me out yet. Right? So it's, it's a special
type of person that can do that. That's a really special type of thing. But a person has to be careful that the Talmud says, be careful because there's sometimes unscrupulous people. There are people who could take advantage, and then you could lose the, the, the, the kindness of those people. So, and if a person is asked about how much Torah wisdom they know, he can be deceiving about that and say, I really don't have much Torah wisdom. Umita, and regarding marital relations,
a person was together with his spouse and they asked, you know, why were you late for synagogue? We needed you here. He can apply it to a different reason. Nobody needs to know the privacy of one's home. And in all of these, that the Seder said, you can change what it is that you say. In all of these things, it's better to avoid actually lying. Do not, you could use tactics. There's ways to, uh, not deceive, but rather to, you know, to shift, to, uh, change the topic
to, uh, you know, there's, there's ways to avoid having to answer the questions. So someone asks you, do you know this Talmud? Did you ever study this Talmud? He's like me? Why would you think that I would know that? You're not saying that you don't, but you're asking back. Why would I know that? Like, you know, so And if you're able to change the topic, if we're able to, again, redirect to something else. And
that way, the person who's asking, let's go with the question. That is the best. It's best not to actually lie. In order to not lie, that is the best thing. It's always better to divert from the question than to lie outright. A person should in all, with all their might, avoid falsehood, avoid saying something with, which isn't true at all cost. It's better to divert than to actually lie. And if a person does so, praised is he and praised is the person
who bore him or her. So the person who brought you to this world should be praised for bringing someone who avoids falsehood coming out of their lips. And this, my dear friends, concludes day number 122. And I look forward to continuing God willing next week, the gate of truth. So we just concluded the gate of falsehood. And now we're going to go to the gate of truth, which is a very, very essential, very important trait that we're going to talk about. Because as
we know, the gate of truth, the trait of truth is godliness. And as we know, Hashem our God is truth. So connecting with this trait is really, really essential. All right. Have a magnificent evening, everybody. Thank you so much.

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