Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection

00:03 - Intro (Announcement)
You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of Torch in Houston, Texas. This is the Jewish Inspiration Podcast.

00:13 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
All right, welcome back everybody. Welcome to the Jewish Inspiration Podcast, the Mussar master class. It is so wonderful to be here and to continue on gate 19, the 19th gate of the Yorke Siddiquim ways of the righteous in the Treasure for Life edition. We're on page 593, and this is day 100. We're going to talk now about a totally new trait the gate of remembrance. Remembrance, remembering, and we'll see that there's many different aspects. When we talk about this trait of remembrance, I think that we'll suddenly be thinking like well, remembering where I have to remember to throw out the garbage, to bring the trash out, and I have to remember to water the plants. I have to remember. Is that what remembrance is about? Is this what this trade is all about? We'll see.

01:09
You know, the Chavetz Chaim says that there was once a man that even after 70 years old, he would remember stories that happened to him in his young childhood years and he would remember every single detail. And you remember every single detail. Why would you remember every single detail? Because they meant so much to him, and if things mean something to you, you remember them. So we'll see soon. We'll develop this a little bit more throughout the evening.

01:42
So the world doesn't exist, says the author here. The world cannot exist without this trait of remembrance. All of business dealings in this world are dependent upon remembrance. We'll see what that means again. We'll see what remembrance really means. See what remembrance really means Ki lo hoi oda ma amin lechavero o mal velo im lo hoi zocher. Because no one would lend anything to their friend and no one would do business with their friend if there wasn't a memory that was created by that. That could be a handshake. That means remembrance brings about it some type of connection, and we'll see what that connection means in a minute.

02:30
But let's just give an example of what it could mean. How about if you remember that someone did something good to you and now you can't harm them because you benefited from it? They did something, they went out of their way to take care of you, and now you can't harm them because you benefited from them. They did something, they went out of their way to take care of you. You know, there's a story that's told about Colin Powell. Colin Powell you remember, okay, and you can have whatever opinion you want of him, but he speaks a fluent Yiddish. He speaks a fluent Yiddish because he grew up in the Bronx and a Jewish man took him into his home and raised him and he learned Yiddish from the family that he lived by and that's why, over the years, he was always very, very kind to the Jewish people that he lived by and that's why, over the years, he was always very, very kind to the Jewish people.

03:26
He had a certain how can I harm the people that saved me? That's a remembrance. That's very important. That means, if we realize that someone gave me a job and someone gave me an opportunity, how can I now go back and say something negative about them? How can I give them stink eye because they didn't give me the raise, they didn't give me the promotion that I had wanted? This person took me off the street, they gave me an opportunity, they gave me livelihood for my family and now I'm going to say something negative about the hand that fed me. That's a type of remembrance that I think we're going to get into to remember things and not to be loyal. It means to be loyal To me.

04:17
One of the most sad and challenging things for me to hear and experience is when I see couples that were married for two years, 10 years, 20 years, 50 years doesn't make a difference and then they're at each other's throats, they're going to kill each other, they're going to, yeah, like, how is it possible that a couple that had so much life experience together okay, it didn't work out but to make the other one as if they're like such an evil person and to speak negatively about them you may have had children with them and now you're going to speak in such a derogatory way. I don't understand it. I was actually talking to my daughter just last week and I said to her that when I got married, one of the things that I accepted upon myself was to never make mother-in-law jokes. I felt that it was inappropriate that here's this woman who raised my wife so wonderfully and I'm going to make jokes about my mother-in-law, because all the boys that's what they do they laugh about their mother-in-law. You have a list from here till you know, till Bel Air of jokes that people make about their mother-in-laws. I don't think it's nice. I don't think it's the proper thing to do. Okay, now I happen to have a very special mother-in-law, so it's not difficult, okay, but it's not difficult to not say things that are nasty. But I think, putting a little thought into what, have I benefited from this person and now I'm going to arm that relationship. To me it just seems wrong, okay, so we say Mekech u'memkar, any type of business involvement.

06:08
Im ho yushokhim divreihim lo ho yicholim lasos, mekech u'memkar o lasos shum t'nai be'nei hem b'lo z'chira, without remembrance. Yeah, as much as you have documents, right? Some people go by the letter of the law. This is what it says in the document. Yeah, but you told me I remember clearly we were walking here and you told me that you were going to give me an extra 2% in the deal. Yeah, is it on a document, right? Right, okay, we all know that business can't only be there's. Sometimes a handshake is worth a lot more than a document, than any document you can imagine. Either way, there ain't sarch laharich bezeh. There's no need to expound on this too much. Ki ha-dover hazeh yedua lakol.

06:51
Everybody knows, everybody knows that it's important to have a trustworthy memory of the words that were spoken. A person should use this trait, utilize it In all areas of life, because emes the truth and remembering the truth. He said who was it who said I'll never have a hard time? What was it about? Someone who said they can't lie. How are you going to remember what to say he says. Well, I don't need to remember, because the truth always comes out. I'm sure you'll remember the line in a second right. You're our encyclopedia of these things. Okay, so, either way, say it's very easy to remember the truth, like you don't have to make up stories. You know, there's an amazing story that happened once with Mark Twain, I believe. Okay, you have the actual quote, david, you can pull it up. Ask Mr Google what he thinks. Rabbi Google, if he remembers that line. That way I don't have to make up a story Either way. So let me tell you a quick story.

08:06
Rav Moshe Feinstein was once approached by a woman. For whatever reason, this woman felt that she's going to try to. She was probably upset at her son who became a rabbi. She wanted to invalidate this son and she went to the rabbi, rabbi Moshe Feinstein, and she said to Moshe Feinstein you know, my son is a mamzer. A mamzer is a bastard child. She was married to a man and she had an affair and then had this child from the affair and now this child is a problem.

08:37
So Moshe Feinstein asked the woman to tell him the exact story and she said the story. He listened very intently and he says can you just repeat the story one more time? And she repeated the story another time. And then again he was listening very intently to every detail. And then he said to her can you say the story one more time? And she said the story one more time. And he said your son is fine, okay, he's fine. And she says what do you mean? What do you mean? I had an affair and this. And that he said every time you said the story, you said something else. Okay, it means you couldn't get your story even straight. You couldn't get to see. You're not believed, you're not trusted because you could right.

09:28
The idea is like when the story is truth, you don't have to make up things. What does he say? If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember. There you go. Thank you very much. If you always tell the truth, you don't have to remember. Thank you, david. Oh, how incredible. Right, if you tell the truth, you don't have to remember. It's such an incredible thing. And that's what we're talking about remembering the truth, right, because they're very closely linked right Now. Someone who's living in a world of truth and living will remember the things that need to be remembered.

10:05
I gave a word. That's my word I want to share with you. I just saw an amazing story I was preparing for tomorrow morning's prayer class. I want to share with you a story. I wrote it down so I don't remember off the top of my head who this was with, but this was one of the Tanakhic sages that was trying to sell an object. He was trying to sell an object and someone wanted to buy it. So imagine I want to sell these glasses, okay. So I say I want $25 for these glasses. So he put up the sign.

10:39
Someone came running over to him Meanwhile. He had started to pray the Amidah prayer. He started praying the Amidah prayer and he's talking to Hashem. This person comes over to him and says Sir, you know you wanted $25 for your glasses. I'm ready to pay $25. And he's just busy with his prayer. Like the Torah teaches us, you're not supposed to interrupt your prayer for anything. He continues to pray.

11:03
The guy thought he was just ignoring him because he didn't offer enough. He says how about $30? $30. Still ignores him. $40., $50. He's offering him more and more and more.

11:13
Finally, the rabbi who's praying finishes his prayer and the guy's up to $100. He's ready to pay for this unique pair of glasses. He says well, what was the original amount that you? You know? $25? That's what it is. What do you mean? I was ready to up it more. He says, yeah, but I was in the middle of prayer. I was going to accept your $25, and that's. The fact that you're willing to pay more doesn't justify me taking more. That that was the original amount. That's the amount it's going to be. Don't you wish you did business with people like that that were just straightforward and honest and that they would just they'd give you their word and their word was their word, and you know that it's worth gold. I said 25, it's 25, that's what it is. You're offering more. I'm not accepting more.

12:10
A person needs to remember the oaths, the vows that he promises. A person makes a pledge in synagogue Very common thing, unfortunately. People make pledges and they don't fulfill their pledges. They make a pledge, oh, pledge in synagogue Very common thing, unfortunately. People make pledges and they don't fulfill their pledges. They make a pledge, oh, in synagogue. Everyone's there, everyone's looking. Yom Kippur, I'll do $10,000 to open the ark or whatever. And when does it get paid? I forgot about it. Right, you have to remember these things V'im, ye'esh, dover, beinol, levein, chavereh, these things. And if there is an agreement between two people, a person has to remember it exactly the way it occurred, without changing any detail. Not what I meant. What did we agree? What was the agreement?

13:03
If you don't change a thing, if someone says to you something in confidence, something private, not to be shared, it's your obligation to remember that trust not to share. I have a friend of mine, a very good friend of mine. His rule is don't tell me anything I cannot share. That's his rule. Every time he'd say listen, this is just between us, don't share. He says, don't tell me. He says I can't keep track of what I could say and can't say I talk to too many people to remember what I can and cannot say. If it's sensitive information, you're afraid that I'm going to tell somebody. Don't tell me. But that's a responsible person. He knows the limitations, he knows he's not going to be able to remember. So he makes sure don't entrust me with something I'm not trustworthy with.

13:59
Okay, and it's funny because people are just the opposite, like no, no, no, tell me, no problem. And it's like a loudspeaker because the second they leave that room. Everyone's like did you hear? I'm not supposed to say anything, so you didn't hear this from me, but you know it's like. And then, before you know it, it's all over the place and this is really tragic, that a person can't remember their responsibilities and their obligation. Yeah, that sometimes happens because people are very concerned that they were given private information, privileged information, and now they shared it and they don't want it to go back that they were the one who revealed it. So again, it's something. Trust is a very, very important thing and every person needs to ensure that.

14:38
When you know, I always tell my children you're in a house with me. My children I tell. When you know, I always tell my children you're in a house with me. My children I tell them you know, I'm a rabbi. There are many people who will share a lot of things to me. Some of it is not in private because they'll come to my house and sit by my dining room and talk about things. I said you have two ears but you have one mouth. That means talk half of what you hear. Okay, keep your mouth shut and you hear things. You hear things but you don't say a word and typically I don't tell my children. You know I'm a first responder as well and my children, almost every single time, will ask me who, what, where, when, how, where did you go? And I tell them the same answer every time.

15:19
Just like your privacy, I wouldn't let out to anybody else. Other people's privacy I can't let out to you, right, and the law doesn't allow me to. We have HIPAA laws, which is privacy, patient privacy. You're not allowed to share information and that's it. And there are so many times. If it's in synagogue, I get a call and I have to run out in the middle and say, oh, what was it? What was going on? What happened? If it was you, would you want me to say Right, no, you have to maintain that trust that people entrust you with. Lava mechaveru ma'o so shal mimenu klebe.

16:01
So if someone borrows money from their friend or they borrow objects from their house, they borrow a book, they borrow a scooter, they borrow whatever it may be remember how much money you borrowed, remember what it is you borrowed when you promise to return, remember how much you owe and remember what you owe. You borrowed a book. I have some books. I stopped lending out books recently because I realized that every time I lend out a book it's like the last time I'll ever see it, right, even though it's stamped with my name. There are times I'll be in someone's house and I'm like, oh, I've been missing that book for a long time. I open it up. My name is in there, my name. It happens sometimes. Right, okay, either way, what? No, of course not. I'll tell my kid do you see that book? Put it in the Right. No, god forbid, god forbid, god forbid. I would never do that.

16:54
Okay, whoever is someone who's doing a lot of business, a lot of enterprise, and is very, very busy, he says someone who's very, very busy, like my friend who's very busy he doesn't remember who he speaks to about what Such a person has to be very careful. He's not going to remember that he borrowed money. He's not going to remember that he was told some information in confidence, and so he says such a person should be very careful to not undertake that responsibility because you're not going to remember. You're not going to remember that responsibility because you're not going to remember. You're not going to remember One of the things that it's important to mention. Yes, we talk about money. That's something that hopefully, people remember.

17:55
By the way, some people don't remember, some people don't remember. I remember a guy came over to me once at a conference and I walked over to the guy. I said he ran some foundation that helped us actually get these books for our library. He owns a foundation. We pay a very small price, but I went over to him and I said to him. I said to him we need to talk. He says did I do something? I said no, I owe you money. You never sent me an invoice. He says are you serious? He says are you serious? He says you're like the first person on earth to tell me that you owe me money and I haven't sent you an invoice. He says most people just avoid me and hope I forget. I was like. No, I said I owe you money. I don't want to owe you money. I don't want to owe you money.

18:35
So it's important, I believe, for each and every one of us to ensure that we have our accounting in order in every area of life. Don't borrow money and forget about it, and don't borrow things from other people and not return it For me. By the way, I tell this to my children all the time I said please don't borrow anything. Don't borrow anything. I even hate when they go to the library and borrow books. I'm afraid you'll lose a book, right, not because it's going to be expensive, you're going to forget about it. It's like I don't want another thing on my head that I need to now make sure I bring back. You know and I need you know, and then forget about it. So then you ruin it and you tear the cover. It's like it's another responsibility and we have to be very careful.

19:20
Don't borrow a ball. You want a ball? Tell me what ball you want, I'll buy it for you. Don't borrow it from your friend, right, Because something will always happen. You borrow your friend's bike and you puncture their tire, right, you have their ball and then the ball gets run over by a car and now it's lopsided, whatever it is Like. What do I need that headache for? Don't borrow things from your friends, okay, but if you do make sure you return it, your friend did a good deed to you for you. Remember it so that you can return that favor.

19:57
And if you remember when we spoke just two weeks ago, we spoke about generosity. We spoke about generosity. Do you remember what we said? It was an unbelievable gem that the author shared with us here, which is that every good deed that you do will come back and repay you Every good deed. How many stories of like Michael DeBakey, the great doctor. Michael DeBakey created the heart pump so that when they do a heart transplant or they do a bypass, that the person can stay alive. Right, you know that that actual machine that he created saved his own life. He did it to save other people's lives. It actually saved his own life. But in our lives, the good deeds that we do, there is no good deed that goes unrewarded. Yeah, you help someone out, it'll come back some other way.

21:01
Hashem does not forget his debts. He pays them back. And when you give charity, what you're doing is you're investing in your future. Of course, it's a godly act to be a giver and that's appropriate, and for someone to do it for only that reason is correct. Do it because I want to be godlike. God is a giver. I'm a giver Not because I'm going to get anything in return, but just know that you'll also get something in return. That's a side note. So here he continues. He says so. Here he continues. He says with regard to charity, he says when you speak to poor people, heal their plight, remember their pain and like this, you'll be able to help them.

22:03
If someone is called into testimony on a case, on something that he witnessed, then you know what needs to happen. You have to remember every detail. Don't add to the story and don't subtract from the story. Remember the details of the story, don't add anything to it. See how careful Hashem is about remembrance. This trait, shemra, as the verse states, take heed of yourself lest you forget Hashem, your God, by not observing His mitzvahs, his judgments and His statutes. This is a very big idea in the Torah To remember Hashem in all of one's deeds. This is a great thing, and this is what King David says have the presence of Hashem always set before me, always. So what we learned in this first segment is the importance of having a remembrance of the things that you commit to, whether they're verbal, whether they're financial, and also to remember Hashem in all of our ways. Wherever we are, remember Hashem, which is why imagine this you could be anywhere on planet Earth, but if you remember to recite a blessing on food, wherever you go, you always remember Hashem. It doesn't make a difference.

23:46
I'm in an environment that's challenging. You know you go to the rodeo. Houston Rodeo and Livestock Show just finished yesterday, so there's like 100,000 people there every day. You go in there. It's a mess. I haven't been there many years now, I don't know For me. I feel very uncomfortable about it. I don't like what they do to the animals. I think that it's personally my personal. I don't run PETA okay, but I feel that it's a little bit abusive to the animals. But that's my personal opinion, my personal opinion. And, by the way, there's nothing wrong for other people to go. My children went, it's fine. But you go there and you're in a different environment. But if you remember, here I am, I'm about to drink a drink and I recite a blessing. I have Hashem with me now here, wherever a person goes. So you're on vacation in Acapulco, great. You have Hashem there with you. So always remember Hashem and to have Him close to you. So this concludes day number 100, my dear friends.

24:46 - Intro (Announcement)
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