Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection

00:01 - Intro (Announcement)
You're listening to Rabbi Yaakov Nagel and Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe from TORCH, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. This is the Unboxing Judaism Podcast.

00:12 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
All right, welcome back everybody to the Unboxing Judaism Podcast. It's such an honor and a privilege to be here with Rabbi Nagel, such a pleasure.

00:21 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
I love doing this together with you. It's my pleasure and it's been too long.

00:26 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
It has been too long. I want to also just acknowledge Rabbi Nagel and Rabbi Tzenagel for underwriting this podcast. It really is a true privilege to partner not only in the content but in the distribution. Sharing this with the world. It really is a special, special honor.

00:42
I want to begin by sharing my condolences to Rabbi Nagel and to your family as is apparent with your overgrown beard here is part of the morning process to your mother, zuchana Lovracha. That's the topic of today's podcast. I thought it would be appropriate to address and this should be Lizechen Nishmose, it should be L'Ilu Nishmose, sora basmanachim, sora basmanachim. It should be an elevation for her soul. I want you to talk about death, mourning and the afterlife. As is very noticed, your overgrown beard and your much needed haircut. This is part of the process of mourning. Before we get to the mourning and talk about afterlife, I wanted to just address what is life, what is death?

01:33
One of the things that I like to talk about in my class is talk about why a baby cries when it comes to this world. This world is a physical journey for a spiritual soul. We're given a lofty, holy, heavenly soul, a godly soul, and that soul is squeezed into this physical body. Hashem says go right into that body. The baby's not happy.

02:06
When a baby's born, it comes crying because it's not delighted in being in this world. It's not delighted in being here because this is a world of physicality, of materialism, of distractions, of things that carry us and pull us away from God. And then we're introduced to this physical form called our human life, our physical life, and then we get distracted with many things, with houses and cars and toys and relationships and friendships, and we get this sense that we're permanent. And then one day comes and Hashem says it's time to check out. So then we don't want to leave, and then we don't want to leave exactly, and then we're like, oh, I just need more, and so much more I want to accomplish, so much more to do, and there's so much. I wish I had more time. I wish I had. So I want to first talk about this whole idea of life, the purpose of life, and then death. The time of opportunity comes to an end.

03:14 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
It's very cathartic, first of all, to talk about this because I'm still grappling with my emotions. I'm still trying to figure out where I am. It's amazing that when you think about it, what you're doing, what happens when a loved one passes, that you are obligated to mourn for your status changes, especially if it's a parent. You were before a regular person and now you're an orphan. It's a status change and I'm still connecting to that. I'm still trying to get a hold of that, get a grip and especially, it's extremely powerful the experience of being in a room when my mother passed and being with her and seeing the soul leave her body. And it's just such a powerful experience to see that, to see my mom close her eyes after almost 76 years in this earth and then just be gone, and it's something that really it's just a powerful experience. Just going through that and I'm still trying to collect my emotions, trying to figure it out, trying to get a grip. But to talk about in general our time on this earth, I feel like I've changed a lot.

04:37
A lot of times people get so worked up over things in this world, they get so caught up in things and I'm like don't you realize that life is so fleeting. We're not here forever. Why do you let stupidities set you back Like a big picture? It's something that I've changed my attitude. I used to be very understanding of people with whatever problems they have and at some times of like you're bringing this problem out to yourself and like I'm changed. I'm a changed man. I'm like we got it in a different light and it's such a powerful idea. We know the Gmar tells us that you should at some point remember the day of death. It helps us. It's very morbid and it's not a positive thing, but sometimes that's what you need to get a grip and to recognize what's important in life and make sure that you don't get carried away with your small mindedness that we tend to get stuck on.

05:49 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
So on that vein, but before we continue, I just want to dedicate today's podcast, this episode, to the memory of your mother, to the Ali of Neshama, to the elevation of her soul, and her name is Sarah Bassmanachem, Sarah Bassmanachem. So all the inspiration, all of the Torah that we share should be an elevation for her. Holy Neshama. You know, the Mishnah says that Toi leches lebeis avel, me leches lebeis mishte.

06:16
It's better to go to the house of mourning than to go to a house of wedding celebration. And it's really like, it's like whoa, what do you mean? Going to a wedding is so happy, it's so festive, it's such a great celebration, so beautiful, to see a bride and groom and I'm looking forward, god willing, bezhar Shem in only about 52 days, and Calvi yeah, or less, if I may be wrong on my calculation, but God willing at my own daughter's wedding and it's really exciting and it's really, you know, just such an incredible time. But it's better. Our sages tell us it's better to go to a house of mourning, a house of sorrow, a house of people are crying and people are sad and people lost a loved one. It's better to do that than to go to a wedding.

07:06 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
Right. So I want to share with you something that is something I never realized. Recently, over the summer, my brother married off his eldest, his oldest daughter. My mom was well enough and she was in remission from her cancer. The whole family went out to Israel where my brother celebrated the marriage of his daughter and we were all celebrated and we enjoyed and it was great and it was a wonderful experience and I'm so happy that my mother was able to celebrate with us.

07:44
Although it was lovely, there was nothing like a house of mourning in terms of the closeness that you can achieve with your siblings Sitting together and reminiscing about the common experiences that we had. The house of mourning gives you so much in life in terms of perspective and you grow closer to each other by grappling through that experience. We're sharing a mourning together, a difficulty, and the closeness and the conversation. There's nothing else to do. There's no distractions At a Simcha. It's wonderful, but it's very fleeting and it's fast and before you know it, I got this for you. It's over, it's happened so fast and then next thing you know it's over. The Shiva house is a house where you really really can grow as a person and you can grow in your relationships with your family. It's just a deeper experience. I can't explain it, but perhaps that's simple, on a very simple level. That's what Shlomo Malch is referring to here.

09:01 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
It's funny because you say that life really is. You sing like a wedding, it comes and it goes and it comes, just like my teenage daughter. She's never sitting put, she's always going. And I have a friend and I have a carpool and I have a practice and a this and a that they're always something they're running to. But death, you're saying, stops everything. It puts everything into perspective of like okay, what's the purpose of this whole journey here, you're saying, as a family, it also brings you together into a different level.

09:30 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
I can't even explain it. It's a different level. I didn't know what it was, but the joke that we always say I still remember when my grandmother passed and my father and his sisters were sitting together and they're just saying, oh, she would have loved to be here. It was so. And the same thing is true with my mom. She would have loved to be at this experience. See all the old friends that come. People come out of the woodwork too, People you haven't seen in 30 years are coming out and saying and you don't know and you're learning about what kind of what stays after a person dies. We have a across the street neighbor that came to be on a Cloverdale lane where we lived right across the street.

10:21
For those of you who don't know, Rabbi Nega and I grew up one block away from each other, round the corner Right so this is across the street neighbor and he was the same age as my younger brother. He used to always play basketball with myself and my brothers as my he was right, he had many, many sisters. He just needed to get out of the house because he had nine sisters and his older brother was already in Yeshiva, so he just needed to get out and we had five boys in our house. So it was always something he was bawling at the at the Leviah, because he was just so appreciative, just the warmth that my mother had to him about you know. Oh, you're so welcome, come anytime, we love having you. Simple things like that just connected him.

11:16
So you don't know this is part of what the experience is. You don't know what impression and what you can accomplish and what really makes a difference after you leave this world. That's what remains, these little things that you think of insignificant is what stays. Is that? That's what it is? And like you kind of learn what you know, what matters after you die. You know you're here in this world for a few years and then you're gone. What matters is like those things, those little things of like just how welcoming you are to a neighbor across the street neighbor can make such a profound difference in their life. And I was just. You had no idea, you don't think like that. You know what I mean. You just go through life and you just like the things that we think are insignificant, are so significant, are so important. So profound.

12:10 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
It's amazing. Yeah, it is amazing. You know I'm blessed, Borach Hashem, to have both my parents. I think they were the first one.

12:18 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
They were absolutely the first one. They were there before I got there. We were coming from the burial site and it was a long drive and they were waiting for us.

12:28 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Okay. So you know it's for a number of reasons. Obviously, my father Davin's with your father every day at Community synagogue in Lanzi, but also my father's been to your dafi'umi and he's been part of the community here for a long time.

12:44
So, he feels a tremendous closeness and connection. But what can you tell me about the mourning process? I think, if I understand it correctly, there's the three first days of mourning, which are the intense days. I believe the halacha says that you're not supposed to be crying during the Shiva. After those three days, those initial three days, so it's a little bit lighter. So that's a total of seven days, and then you have 30 days, and then you have 11 months, and then you have every year 12 months. Well, it's 12 months, right? So it's on the anniversary. The yard site of the passing.

13:26 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
I want to share with you, at least my sense. Okay, as we know, we talked about this in the beginning of the class that you know. We want that. This sheer, this clash, would be an ill-loyal uplifting for the soul of my mom. Okay, and what does that mean? So, on a very simple level, it's really the same idea that we brought up before.

13:50
What impact did this person have on the world? That has ripple effects. That's continuing on. So the most obvious is the children, and how the children are how I am. What I am as a person is very much a product of my upbringing. Of course, that's who we are. We grew up, we were raised by our parents, and their personality and their efforts and how they raised us, their values and their values is what makes me who I am, of course, and that who I am and therefore what I accomplish in my life, is very large part credited to my parents both of them, also my mother in particular, in terms of the attention she gave to me and all those things that a mother does for a child. Therefore, every year, that's like an assessment of how much did this person affect the world and make this world a better place. It's most manifest by the children. It's really what the child does. It's interesting.

15:00
Some people say the worst of a child, the more you feel guilty in terms of having to say kadesh and everything like that. I don't think that's really what it is. I think it's just simply it's our limited way as a child to have that hakharasatotar parents, that recognition of the good to what they did for us, and we want to be able to do something back. The only thing that we could do is to glorify God's name. That's what kadesh is all about. We're saying that. I'm saying it now every day, three times a day and more than three times a day.

15:41
The glorification of God's name, recognizing bringing God into this world that's what we're here to do. That's why we are put in these bodies, these physical bodies, for the years that we find ourselves in. That's what it's really encompassed. That's what we're doing for that year. We're kind of connecting to that. Yes, there's a morning period that starts very intense and it's really sad. It's recognizing a loss, which is very important to grapple with that and come to terms with that. Then moving on in life and taking what we learned, what we grew from, and bringing it forward. That's really what it is. Every year it kind of gets assessed how much is the ripple effect of that person's life in positive way. Continuing on.

16:43 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
It's like a russianshonen you kipper every year for the deceased. What way have they influenced those who remain behind? I never thought that's amazing.

16:53 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
It's interesting there's many people have a custom specifically to fast on your side on the day of the commemoration of the day of the death. It's like a yom kipper, it's like a day of atonement to an innocence, because it's like a yearly reminder of what the effect that person had on this world. We're seeing how well it's improved, how well it's gone, because now it's ripple effects of, because who I am and how I was raised is manifested in my own children and continuing on, it's not just me anymore. Whatever I do with my life is also a parcel credited to my parents, as all of us, that's really to me, till the end of time, which is, we say, the yom adin hagadol, the great judgment, because that's when everything's finalized. But until then, that's how the souls can still be elevated by what we do. It can still elevate because that's part of the ripple effect, that's part of what that person was able to influence me. The impact it's an impact, of course it's amazing.

18:12 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
I try to say this a lot. Whenever I go to a simcha, we know we always have food. You have a kiddish for a baby girl, you have a bris for a baby boy, you have a shalom zacher. You have many celebrations over one's life, hopefully, that are filled with joy and happiness. Every one of those events, without exception, there's food. What do we do with the food? Many times we call it a kiddish. What is kiddish?

18:37
Kiddish means to sanctify God's name. What does one have to do with the other? You're celebrating a birth of a baby and you're making a kiddish sanctifying God's name. I think the idea is the same thing that we get from Kaddish. When we say Kaddish after someone passes away, what we're saying is may his great name grow exalted and sanctified. What we're saying is that God's name should become glorified in this world. It should become great in this world, that the whole world should recognize Hashem. When we say Abracha, when we recite a blessing at a kiddish, that's what we're doing. We're doing the same thing. That's what we're doing. It's not just like oh, it's something, it's a delicious cake, oh, my favorite cake. Let me just grab it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop, stop. Thank Hashem, and that being the reason you connect with Hashem, because of this baby, because of this marriage is now a merit for them.

19:38
I say like this two people are sitting and having a burger Kosher burger, kosher, glottkosher. Now one takes the burger and just bites right into it oh, it's delicious. The other one washes his hands, sits down, says a blessing and, before eating bread, right, and then eats the burger. What's the difference between the two? They're both eating the same exact burger, but they're not. They're not because the construct of the burger has changed by one of them. It became a vessel through which someone was able to connect to the Almighty, and the other one, it was just playing something to fill up my body. So now the same burger that each one is eating have become completely different burgers, because one was a vessel that elevated, that brought godliness into this world, and the other just is.

20:39
And I think that when we say Qadish, when we say Qadish, what we're doing is we're saying why are we saying Qadish in the memory of a loved one? Because we're saying we want to elevate God's name. Because of them, right, because of you who have passed, I'm reciting this Qadish, glorifying God's name in this world, and I'm saying that you know that Be'almah Div'rahir Hussain in the world that he created and he willed the YAMLICH MAHL HUSAY. May he give reign to his kingship in your lifetimes and in your days and in the lifetimes of your entire family of Israel, swiftly and soon. And we all say yes, amen, amen, my grandfather says.

21:24
He says such an important thing. He says we say Yehish Meirabah. That indeed, blessed, praised, glorified. Sorry. May his name, may his great name, be blessed forever and ever. What we're doing is we're acknowledging, we're recognizing. This is yes, we confirm that, that you're saying and this and that, hopefully, is you know. We try to say how many Qadishim a day. It's. What is it? Probably 15 Qadishim a day, something about that Right Saying. You know Qadish 15 times a day we say before, in the morning. We say it before, before Borsham. We say it before Mismar, after Mismar, we say it before At the end of Davening a few times Before.

22:11
Shema, we say it right after the Shmone Shtri, we say it after Christ, the third before. We're constantly, constantly, and the goal is and the Allacha says also, that one who wears the fill-in should not take off their fill-in until they responded to a certain number of Qadishim, Qadishim.

22:29 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
Qadishim, I want to share with you something that you just really brought out to me. One of the weird things that's hard to describe is the day of the death, which is called in Hebrew. It's an oning. You're an oning which is like alone. I don't know how to describe the experience, but one of the weird halachos the laws are is that you're not allowed to make a blessing on the food that you eat, and it's so strange. It's like so if you're raised yourself to always make a blessing before you eat, so it's so strange to put food to your lips and not be able to make a blessing. I still remember, like I think one time, by mistake, I made a blessing and I was like, oh, you're going to shake up my mistake Like a chandau head. I forgot I made a blessing.

23:24
But the point being is what's the idea? I think it's really along this lines what you're saying when thinking about a person who just died, we want to bring that home. The best way to bring it home is to not make blessings. You can't, because that reminds us that there was a life that was able to do things like that, to make blessings, and no longer can, and it's to drive that home with us, to me, to the living. What happened here? There was a life that's no longer here. There was someone who had the ability to bless that no longer has that ability and I can't make a blessing till I can grapple with that and recognize that that's the loss, that's the world lost at this point, and I think that's part of something that to think about.

24:12 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
That's a beautiful idea In some way, I don't know how. It's not this exact same idea, but it reminds me of the Mishnah in Brachos. The Mishnah says that If a deceased is in front of a person, they're not allowed to recite the Shema. Why not to recite the Shema? Because what's the purpose of reciting the Shema? To bring God's presence into your consciousness. What God's presence can you get more than seeing a dead person in front of you? Well, you have the deceased right before you. There's nothing that gives you a greater clarity. Even a blessing doesn't give clarity like that. Nothing in the world gives clarity, all the Mitzvahs that we perform. Why do we perform them? Not because it's a Mitzvah, because this is a vehicle through which we connect to God. So now, when a person is at the greatest possible state of clarity, there's no greater clarity than just having that's the profundity of the experience of the moment of death.

25:20 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
How powerful that is. It's like connecting to God this part of what we say that an ill person has the Shrin-a-rest at their head. The divine presence is right there, because you're grappling with that moment. It's like God's in the room with you, so to speak. You feel it. It's so powerful, it's such a strong moment, wow.

25:41 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Anyway, that's unbelievable. So what can we say about the afterlife, the idea that we're saying Kaddish every day now for the first 11 months and then every year on the anniversary? What does that do for the Nishama? And we know that Yisgar, you don't say the first year, I believe, but it's the following years that Yisgar is resided, and Yisgar has become almost the most important part for many people. I don't know about going to synagogue on a regular day, I don't know about going to synagogue on Roshanim Kippur, but on Yisgar you're not going to miss it.

26:20 - Intro (Announcement)
You're not going to miss it.

26:22 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
So what's the power behind that? What's really going?

26:24 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
on Again. It's one of the. As a parent, we know how unlimited our love for our children are and how boundless it is. So, as a child, we're the recipient of such tremendous care and love and concern that's ongoing and, like I said, this is our only way to really show that Haka'Rusato, the tremendous recognition of the good. It's impossible, truly the Gmar says that to truly have the proper honor for one's parents is impossible. It's like we simply don't have the ability to show the respect that we really need to. It's such a powerful and such a powerful, strong obligation. That being said, once they're gone, we really don't have that anymore. All we have is that kardish that we can say that's all we got, it's a little bit left.

27:36
And so, on the holiday especially, we want to remember or loved one like a candle. Remember that. That's the reminder candles compared to a soul. The verse tells us nir hasem nishmasatam, candle of God is the soul of man. It's a reminder of the soul. It's this light, it's this candle, and that's what it's reminding us. So we light the candle and we just remember, just remember, and we say and on the art side, we say the kaila moly, recognizing God. It should, merciful God, merciful God, yeah, it's. These are powerful experiences but again, it's the little bit that we can do after a parent or loved one passes. Do something in their memory that's making the world a better place, wow.

28:36 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Now, what are some of the laws that are applicable in the time of mourning, both the Shiva, the 7 days, the 30 days and then the year?

28:47 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
Yeah. So I just want to share with you. Like one of the things about a Shiva is that you're basically not supposed to even leave the house. You're almost like in jail. For 7 days that's what it feels like. You're locked in and it's almost. But the experience is I can't even explain how cathartic it is because you're, there's no distractions, you're not even allowed to Like. We were told like don't get up for your food, we'll bring it to you. Don't get up, don't do anything, we'll do it for you. Why? Because even the most minute distraction from focusing on the one who passed away is taking away from what the experience is supposed to be. And that's really what the whole Shiva is about. The first 3 days are for crying, it's for recognizing the lost, and after that you want to like transition, to okay, let's take it forward, let's bring this person's memory into our lives. The best thing we can do is to think about what are the positive qualities of this person that passed and perpetuate their ways.

29:57
Perpetuate by trying to incorporate it in our lives. One of the things that we were saying is that, you know, she was the glue that held our family together, because everyone would tell her what's going on in their lives and then she would share it to us, like, oh, let me tell you what a friend did and let me say what's going on with Benzi and Harry and this one. How do I know? I only know because my mom told me now, now my brother could be a millionaire and I wouldn't even know Whatever it's like why? Because we don't have that glue anymore. It's such a powerful thing.

30:27
But that's exactly the part of the job is to like be that connector. We have to sort of like fill the gap that's there and that's part of what the process is. So that's what I think is how it's built out in the Shiva, and then the Shlosham is a higher. Also. It's a level of mourning of like kind of very similar to the period of time Between Roshchodesh, av and Tishabab, the nine days. It's very similar. Like you don't shower the same way, a lot of things you can't even For all 30 days.

31:05
For all 30 days. You can't even cut your nails regularly. You have somebody else cut your nails. It's just changed, like you're also supposed to on a higher level. Still think about the loss and the tremendous. You know like grappling with it.

31:21 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Right. So, Asana, you can't shave or cut your hair. Can't cut your hair.

31:24 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
Right, what else Music?

31:27 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Obviously music, music is for the entire year, correct?

31:30 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
Right? Well, most a lot of these things continue on for the entire year, which is Not the hair cutting, right, not the hair cutting. It's actually interesting, the hair cutting. You're supposed to continue to grow it even into the year until your friends yell at you and say you look horrible, you need to get a haircut.

31:50 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
So it doesn't end by 30 days.

31:51 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
It doesn't end by 30 days, it ends when you get yelled at. That's an interesting thing. Or like your friends are gawing at you and they say like you're overdoing it, kind of Like that's really what it is. It's very interesting how it's developed, but the concept is very strongly. The concept is that you're even also like a meal going to a meal of friends with a large group of parties. You avoid going to parties. You're going to have to miss the wedding.

32:20
I'm sorry, that's part of what it is, it's like these things, it's like for the year you're like the whole year you're reminding yourself of like You're sort of You're not included in those things that make you forget.

32:33
Right, exactly, you need to keep the consciousness of this person at least for the whole year. Especially for a parent it's for the whole year. For another relative it's only for the 30 days, but for a parent it continues on. Just the Kajah stops at 11 months, but the entire 12 months is for the period. The morning that we experience the music and things like that, and anything that's going to be a distraction we refrain from. Wow.

33:05 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
I'll just tell you that my grandfather and I know many, many other sages requested in their will, in their tzavah, that their children should recite Qadish for the full 12 months, not 11 months, because the Talmud says that those who are righteous are only judged in the heavenly courts for 11 months, but those who are not righteous should be are judged for all 12 months and their punishment is as well meted out over the 12 months. And my grandfather said I'm not righteous. I'm not righteous, so say Qadish for me for all 12 months, because I need all the help I can get. So it's just when my grandfather passed away, my father, you know, obviously knew what my grandfather requested in his will and he said that's crazy, that's nonsense. Everybody knows that he was righteous, everybody knows that he was holy. So you know, what do I do? Do I fulfill his request to only recite Qadish? To recite Qadish for 12 months or only recite it, like normal people do, for only 11 months? So they went to Rebolyashiv, and Rebolyashiv was the great leading halachic decider of the generation who had since passed away. He said that anybody who knows your grandfather will know that he requested it. Now, just to explain why. The reason behind it is.

34:38
Also one of the things my grandfather requested was that there'd be no eulogies at his funeral, no eulogies whatsoever. It happens to be that my grandfather was lucky he passed away on Pesach and there's no eulogies on Pesach. So on holidays there's no eulogies. On Hanukkah there's no eulogies. So on Purim also, there's no eulogies. So there was no eulogies by my grandfather's funeral.

35:01
But I think the reason is as follows In the heavenly courts it's the heavenly court of truth. God's name is truth, everything is truth. And if someone made belief that there was something great, that there was special, that there were holy, that there were righteous, they tricked everybody. Everybody got fooled. The heavenly courts you can't fool. And my grandfather deeply felt, he believed that he wasn't really righteous. We all thought he was. Everybody in the world thought he was, but he didn't. He felt that perhaps maybe he was great to our standards, but to his own standards he wasn't. So for that reason he did not want to have any eulogies, because when you eulogize someone, what happens is that basically there's this perversion of the eulogies. What happens is that basically there's this proverbial microphone.

35:52 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
You're taken to task for what they said about you. Hey, this is what they're saying about you. Why did you accomplish it?

35:58 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
This soul got sucked up to the heavenly courts and they put the microphone. Let's hear what they're saying at the funeral. Let's hear the eulogy. And they give this eulogy oh, what a righteous person, what a great person, what a talented gifted. They say all these amazing things that the person did and they're like is that true? Is that really what you did? You did it really for yourself. You didn't do it for my name, you glorify my name. You did it for your own accolades and for your own acknowledgement and were held to account by what people say.

36:28
And therefore my grandfather said I don't want people talking by my funeral and saying things that perhaps they'll exaggerate or they'll say things that aren't accurate and I'm going to be held to account for that. I don't want any of that. Rather not. Rather not have any eulogies. But that's that. And it's very interesting also that my grandfather requested that on his tombstone and that in no form whatsoever should he ever be acknowledged as a tzadik, as a righteous person, even by adding a letter to his name, because usually after someone's name they'll write the chrono-livrocho for blessed memory. But sometimes people say for blessed and righteous memory, he says, don't even add the letter after my name, just one Of tzadik the chrono-livrocho.

37:20
And on his tombstone it actually says Zal, and I looked around in his whole area of where he's buried in Haramnuchas in Jerusalem. All of the righteous scholars, many great, great rabbis, all have the same exact thing. They all have that.

37:36
They all have no accurate, they're very particular, very, very Because, again, even on a tombstone, it could say tzadik, and I'm not a tzadik. I'll be held to account for that. It's really frightening things that you know we're here for a task, we're here for a, to fulfill our purpose, and I think the most sobering part of the whole, everything that you've mentioned, Rabbi Nagel, is that we need to recognize that every single one of us are here on our very own mission, and a mother's mission is different than a father's mission, a brother's mission is different than a sister's mission and a husband and a wife. We all have our own very specific, unique role of what we need to accomplish in this world, and that's the goal of life. The goal of life is to maximize our own mission and to bring that to fruition.

38:34 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
Yeah, Anyway, this is amazing. Thank you so much.

38:38 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Thank you, and the Ha'mokim minachim eschem it's still within 30 days I can say the proper condolence prayer, which is Ha'mokim minachim eschem Essoch Shachar Willitzim Yer Shalayim. May God comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem. Amen, amen.

38:55 - Rabbi Yaakov Nagel (Host)
Thank you.

38:56 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
My dear friends, thank you for joining us and we hope you'll join us in the future as well. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to email us at unboxing at torchweborg, and from Houston, Texas. Shalom, my dear friends.

39:09 - Intro (Announcement)
Shalom, thank you for listening to the Unboxing Judaism podcast. We want your questions. If you'd like your question featured in a future episode, please email us at unboxing at torchweb.org. We look forward to hearing from you.